HP Idol
by TohruROX2221
Summary: The Harry Potter characters sing in an American Idol-esque game. Major profanity in Chapter 4.
1. Introduction

**Ha. Welcome to HP Idol. It's random so just shut up if it's weird.**

**HERE ARE OUR CONTESTANTS!**

**HARRY!**

_Harry - God help me._

**RON!**

_Ron - I better get paid for this garbage._

**HERMIONE!**

_Hermione - This contest is vulgar._

**MALFOY!**

_Malfoy - I'm only here because you promised I'd beat the Mudbloods._

**VOLDEMORT!**

_Voldy - Can I have my wand back, please? I promise I won't kill anyone -looks at Harry and Cedric suspiciously-_

**CEDRIC!**

_Cedric - Huh? Where am I? AND WHY IS HE -points at Voldemort- HERE?!_

_Amos - Be quiet._

_Cedric - Yes, Daddy._

_Amos - That's MISTER Daddy to you._

**Uh...**

_Cedric - -.-_

**LUNA!**

_Luna - I like pudding. :)_

_Cedric: Okay...?_

_Harry: Stop breathing down my neck, Luna._

**FRED AND GEORGE!**

_Fred and George - Wicked._

**GINNY!**

_Ginny - Is it really fair that Fred and George get to perform together?_

**CHO!**

_Cho - Harry, put your eyeballs back in your head!_

_Cedric - :P_

_Cho - You too._

_Cedric - Oh. Damn._

**PADMA AND PARVATI!**

_Ginny - Hey, that's not fair!_

_Fred and George - IT IS FOR US!!_

_Padma and Parvati - Perverts!_

**AND NEVILLE!**

_Neville - Uh...my grandmother made me do it._

**AND THE JUDGES!**

_Cedric - We're being judged?!?!_

_Me - SHUT UP!_

**HAGRID!**

_Hagrid - Has anyone seen Fang?_

**MCGONAGALL!**

_McGonagall - This contest is ridiculous. I like it. :)_

**DUMBLEDORE!**

_Dumbledore - Why is Voldy here?_

_Voldemort - I had nothing better to do._

_Dumbledore - Oh._

**ME!**

_Cedric - Well that's not exactly fair now is it?_

_Me - YOU'LL SHUT UP!_

_Malfoy - Haha!_

_Me - -hexes him-_

_Malfoy - -turns into fish-_

_Harry - That was funny._

_Me - You're next. ;)_

_Harry - I'll be quiet now._

**AND OUR STUDIO AUDIENCE...YOU!**

_Cedric - Who?_

_Ron - Not who, YOU!_

_Amos - Pay attention!_

_Cedric - -.-_

**NEXT CHAPTER THE CONTESTANTS WILL BE PERFORMING SONGS BY...MICHAEL JACKSON!**

_Hermione - -shrieks-_

_Ron, Cedric, Ginny, Voldemort, Malfoy, Luna, Neville, Cho, Fred, George, Padma, and Parvati - Who?_

_Harry - Michael Jackson. :D_

_Cedric - And that is...?_

_Fred - Dunno._

_Ginny - He sounds black!_

_Ron - Way to be prejuidiced, Gin._

_Ginny - Thank you, Ron. :l_

_Ron - You're welcome._

_Cedric - I'M CONFUSED!_

_Cho - Where am I?_

_Cedric - WHO IS THIS MICHAEL PERSON?! -runs up to random members of the audience- Are you Michael? Are you? You? You, you have to be Michael Jackson!_

_Michael Jackson - Nope. :l -looks suspicious-_

_Cedric - -bangs head against wall-_

_Voldemort - Let me help you with that. CRUCIO!_

_Me - Who gave him his wand back?!_

_George - -in unison with Fred- IT WAS HIM!_

_Fred - -in unison with George- IT WAS HIM!_

_Me - Give me that! -takes wand- You may have this back after the winner is chosen._

_Voldemort - :l Damn._

_Cho - So...when are we going to start?_

_Me - As soon as Cedric stops banging his head against the wall._

_Cedric - It's actually -bang- very -bang- relaxing. -bang-_

_Me - o.o_

_Amos - O.e Ced...what are you doing?_

_Cedric - This! -bang-_

_Me - And we'll be right back!_

_Voldemort - -cries- I WANT MY WAND BACK!_

_Harry - Can't we just lock him up or something?_


	2. Round One VOTING CLOSED

**WELCOME BACK TO HP IDOL! OUR CONTESTANTS HAD OUR MENTOR, MICHAEL JACKSON, TEACH THEM ONE SONG. THAT WAS HELL. -shiver- ALL OF THESE SONGS BELONG TO MICHAEL JACKSON.**

_Malfoy - When do I get my prize money?_

_Me - You gotta win first._

_Malfoy - Oh._

**OUR FIRST SINGER IS CEDRIC.**

_Girls in the audience - -screams wildly-_

_Dumbledore - SHUT IT!_

_Girls - -.-_

**SINGING...**

_Girls - -screams-_

**SINGING...**

_Girls - -screams-_

**SIN...**

_Girls - -screams-_

_McGonagall - Oh, for heaven's sake, _The Way You Make Me Feel!

_Me - Thank you._

Cedric - :D Hey pretty lady with the high heels on you give me fever like I've never ever known you're just a product of loveliness I like the groove in your walk your talk your dress I feel your fever from miles around I'll pick you up in my car and we'll paint the town just kiss me baby and tell me twice you're the one for me the way you make me feel...

Backup singers - The way you make me feel...

Cedric - You really turn me on...

Backup singers - You really turn me on...

Cedric - You knock me off of my feet...

Backup singers - You knock me off of my feet...

Cedric - My lonely days are gone...

Backup singers - My lonely days are gone...

_Girls - -screams-_

_Dumbledore - I liked it._

_McGonagall - Of course you do, Albus. It was okay, but what with the love song?_

_Hagrid- -sniffles- I told meself not ter cry._

_McGonagall - Oh, honestly..._

**-deathglare- FRED AND GEORGE!**

Fred and George - Wicked!

**SINGING MAN IN THE MIRROR!**

Fred and George - I'm gonna make a change for once in my life it's gonna feel real good gonna make a difference gonna make it right as I turn my collar up on my favorite winter coat this wind is blowin' my mind i see kids in the street with not enough to eat who am I to be blind pretending not to see their needs a summer's disregard a broken bottle top and a man's soul they follow each other on the wind ya know cause they got nowhere to go that's why I want you to know I'm starting with the man in the mirror I'm asking him to change his ways and no message could have been any clearer if you wanna make the world a better place...

Backup singers - If you wanna make the world a better place...

Fred and George - Take a look at yourself and then make a change...

Backup singers - Take a look at yourself and then make a change na na na na na na na na na na na...

_McGonagall - -cries- That...was...beautiful._

_Hagrid - ...What?_

_Dumbledore - How did you get the Mirror of Erised on the stage?_

_Fred and George - Magic. :D_

**OKAY...VOLDEMORT IS SINGING...THERE'S NO SONG WRITTEN DOWN.**

_Voldemort - I know. :D_

**SHOULD I BE WORRIED? LET'S FIND OUT!**

_Voldemort - Let's do it! -rips off clothes and is wearing an orange jumpsuit, Michael Jackson style-_

**WHAT THE...?**

_Voldemort's dead victims - -come out of the ground moaning-_

_Harry - MOM?! DAD?!_

Voldemort - It's close to midnight and something evil's lurkin' in the dark under the moonlight you see a sight that almost stops your heart you try to scream but terror takes the sound before you make it you start to freeze as horror looks you right between the eyes you're paralyzed cause this is Thriller, Thriller night! And no one's gonna save you from the beast about to strike, you know it's Thriller, Thriller night! You're fighting for your life inside of killer, thriller tonight!

_Audience - O.O_

_McGonagall - O.O_

_Hagrid - O.O_

_Dumbledore - -stands up clapping- Bravo! Bravo!_

_McGonagall - I didn't know you're allowed zombies._

_Dumbledore - -stops clapping- You're not. Uh oh._

**UH...HERMIONE IS GOING TO BE SINGING, UH, BIL...**

_Voldemort- -messes with my hair-_

**WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!**

_Voldemort - -stops-_

**BILLIE JEAN...GET AWAY FROM ME.**

_Voldemort - Sorry._

_Hermione - It's a little long so I'm taking out the bridge if that's alright._

_Ron - Wow, Mione making something short. Shocker._

Hermione - She was more than a beauty queen from a movie scene I said don't mind but what do you mean I am the one who will dance on the floor in the round she says I am the one who will dance on the floor in the round she told me her name was Billie Jean as she caused a scene and every head turned with eyes that dreamed of being the one who will dance on the floor in the round Billie Jean is not my lover she's just a girl that claims that I am the one but the kid is not my son she says I am the one but the kid is not my son

_McGonagall - :)_

_Hagrid - Who's Billie Jean?_

_Dumbledore - Dunno. But I liked it. :D_

**BILLIE JEAN IS FAKE, HAGRID. NOW PADMA AND PARVATI WOULD LIKE TO SING DIRTY DIANA.**

Padma and Parvati - Oh no oh no oh no you'll never make me stay so take your weight off of me I know your every move so won't you just let me be I've been here times before but I was too blind to see that you seduce every man this time you won't seduce me she's saying that's okay hey baby do what you please I have the stuff that you want I am the thing that you need she looked me deep in the eyes she's touching me so to start she says there's no turning back she trapped me with her arm dirty Diana, nah, dirty Diana, nah, dirty Diana, no, Dirty Diana, let me be!

_McGonagall - Who's Diana? Is she a student?_

_Hagrid - The name sounds familiar..._

_Dumbledore - It was good, but who is Diana?_

**AGAIN, DIRTY DIANA IS FAKE, LIKEWISE BILLIE JEAN.** **NOW HARRY IS GOING TO BE SINGING DON'T STOP TILL YOU GET ENOUGH.**

Harry - :D Lovely is the feeling now fever temperature's rising now power ah power is the force the vow that makes it happen it asks no questions why oooh so get closer now get closer now to my body now just love me til you don't know ooh keep on with the force don't stop don't stop till you get enough keep on with the force don't stop don't stop till you get enough keep on with the force don't stop don't stop till you get enough keep on with the force don't stop don't stop till you get enough.

_McGonagall - Enough of what?_

_Hagrid - Enough butterbeer?_

_Dumbledore - Oooh. Butterbeer. Or lemon drops. :D_

**... OH...KAY...ANYWAY, NOW IT'S GINNY SIGNING P.Y.T. (PRETTY YOUNG THING).**

Ginny - Where did you come from baby and ooh won't you took me there right away won't you baby Tendoroni you've got to be spark my nature sugar fly with me don't you know now is the perfect time we can make it right hit the city lights then tonight ease the lovin pain let me take you to the max I want to love you P.Y.T. pretty young thing you need some loving T.L.C. tender loving care and I'll take you there I want to love you P.Y.T. pretty young thing you need some loving T.L.C. tender loving care I'll shake you there

_McGonagall - P.Y.T.?_

_Hagrid - Pit?_

_Dumbledore - Maybe it's Piece Why...that! Yeah! Let's go with that!_

**... LUNA WITH ROCKIN' ROBIN!**

Luna - He rocks in the treetops all day long hoppin' and a boppin' and a singin' his song all the little birdies on Jaybird Street love to hear the robin goin' tweet tweet tweet rockin' robin tweet tweet tweet rockin' robin tweet tweet tweet oh rockin' robin cause we're really gonna rock tonight

_McGonagall - Short...but I liked it._

_Hagrid - What's a robin?_

_Dumbledore - It's like a small Phoenix._

_Hagrid - Oh._

**NOW NEVILLE WILL BE SINGING -snicker- AND HE'LL BE SINGING THEY DON'T CARE ABOUT US.**

_Neville - My grandmother made me do it!_

_Me - We know._

Neville - Skin head dead head everybody gone bad situation aggravation everybody allegation in the suite on the news everybody dog food bang bang shot dead everybody's gone mad all I wanna say is they don't really care about us all I wanna say is they don't really care about us

_McGonagall - Five points for Gryffindor._

_Malfoy - That's not fair!_

_McGonagall - Save your voice for the song, Malfoy._

_Hagrid - Who doesn't care about them?_

_Dumbledore - The man?_

**IT'S A SONG. GOSH! MALFOY WILL BE SINGING BAD.**

Malfoy - Your butt is mine gonna take you right just show your face in broad daylight I'm telling you on how I feel gonna hurt your mind don't shoot to kill come on, come on lay it on me right I'm giving you on count of three to show your stuff or let it be I'm telling you just watch your mouth I know your game what you're about well they say the sky's the limit and to me that's really true but my friend you have seen nothing just wait till I get enough cause I'm bad I'm bad come on bad bad really really bad you know I'm bad I'm bad you know it bad bad really really bad you know I'm bad I'm bad come on you know bad bad really really bad and the whole world has to answer right now just tell you once again who's bad.

_Dumbledore - When yoy say the 'whole world' does that include Muggles?_

_Hagrid - I think it does._

_McGonagall - Does it matter?_

**RON WILL BE SINGING BEAT IT.**

Ron - They told him don't you ever come around here don't wanna see your face you better disappear the fire's in their eyes and their words are really clear so beat it just beat it you better run you better do what you can don't wanna see no blood don't be a macho man you wanna be tough better do what you can so beat it but you wanna be bad just beat it, beat it, beat it, beat it no one wants to be defeated show em how funky strong is your fight it doesn't matter who's wrong or right just beat it beat it just beat it beat it just beat it beat it just beat it beat it

_McGonagall - Now beating someone is a little personal isn't it?_

_Hagrid - IS HE GOIN' TER BEAT ME?!_

_Dumbledore - I feel intimidated._

**-rolls eyes- FINALLY, HERE IS CHO SINGING ROCK WITH YOU!**

Cho - Girl close your eyes let that ryhthm get into you don't try to fight it there ain't nothing you can do relax your mind lay back and groove with mine you got to feel that heat and we can ride the boogie share that beat of love I wanna rock with you all night dance you into day sunlight I wanna rock with you all night we're gonna rock the night away

_McGonagall - 'Rock' is Muggle music and dancing, right?_

_Hagrid - Yeah._

_Dumbledore - Whatever that is, I think Voldemort's doing it!_

_Voldemort - -dances, gets caught, freezes- Oh, hi...when did you get here?_

**PLEASE VOTE FOR YOUR FAVORITE AND TELL ME YOUR LEAST FAVORITE IN REVIEW! THANK YOU! I EXPECT YOU TO MAKE IT CLEAR WHO YOU WANT TO STAY AND WHO YOU WANT TO LEAVE!**


	3. Elimination Round One

**WELCOME BACK TO HP IDOL! YESTERDAY OUR AUDIENCE SENT IN VOTES FOR WHO THEY WANTED TO LEAVE THE SHOW AND NOW WE HAVE THE RESULTS…**

_Ron - Somebody kill me please._

_Voldemort - Avada Ke…_

_Me - NOT LITERALLY! And you don't even have a wand!_

_Voldemort - Oh. Right._

**BUT FIRST OUR CONTESTANTS ARE GOING TO BE SINGING A SONG FOR YOU!**

_Fred and George - Wicked. :D_

_Hermione - What song?_

_Ron - The one we've been practicing all night._

_Hermione - Oh. That song._

Hermione, Luna, Cho, Padma, Parvati, Ginny – If I could die before I wake it's cause you took my breath away losing you is living in a world with no air, oh…

Harry, Ron, Fred, George, Cedric, Voldemort, Neville, Malfoy – I'm here alone didn't wanna leave my heart won't move it's incomplete if there was a way I could make you understand…

Girls – But how do you expect me to live alone with just me?

Boys – Cause my world revolves around you it's so hard for me to breathe

Everyone – Tell me how am I supposed to breathe with no air can't live can't breathe with no air it's how I feel whenever you ain't here there's no air no air go me out here in water so deep tell me how you gonna be without me if you ain't here I just can't breathe there's no air no air.

_Random fan girls - -screams-_

_Voldemort - :D I've got fans!_

_Malfoy – Yeah, but they're not evil._

_Voldemort – So?! –rips off shirt and stage dives-_

_Me- O.O_

_McGonagall – O.O_

_Hagrid – O.O_

_Dumbledore – That looks like fun! –stage dives after him-_

**ANYWAY…VOLDEMORT, COME BACK TO THE STAGE PLEASE!**

_Voldemort – Sorry, I got a little carried away._

_Neville – A little?_

**OKAY…I'M GOING TO CALL EACH OF YOU UP HERE AND YOU'LL STAND IN THE HOTSPOT FOR ME, THEN I WILL TELL YOU HOW YOU DID. FIRST UP…CEDRIC!**

_Fan girls - -screams-_

**YOU SANG THE WAY YOU MAKE ME FEEL…**

_Malfoy – Obviously! We were all here for it!_

**SHUT THAT HOLE IN YOUR FACE! THE FAN GIRLS LIKED IT…MCGONAGALL WONDERED WHY YOU CHOSE A LOVE SONG…THE WORLD VOTED…YOU ARE SAFE TONIGHT!**

_Fan girls - -screams-_

**GO HAVE A SEAT OVER… -notices there's no chairs where I'm pointing- ACCIO CHAIRS! GO SIT OVER THERE.**

_Cedric – Okay. :D_

**FRED AND GEORGE!**

_Fred and George – Wicked._

_Me – Do you have to say that every time?_

_Fred – Yup._

**OH…KAY…YOU SANG MAN IN THE MIRROR. DUMBLEDORE WANTS TO KNOW HOW YOU GOT THE MIRROR OF ERISED ON THE STAGE. MCGONAGALL LOVED IT. THE WORLD VOTED…YOU ARE SAFE!**

_Fred and George – Wicked!_

**VOLDEMORT…UP HERE PLEASE!**

_Voldemort – Okie dokie! –skips onto stage like a little girl-_

_Me – O.O_

**UH…YOU SANG THRILLER. DUMBLEDORE ABSOLUTELY LOVED IT. HARRY SAW HIS PARENTS :D THE WORLD VOTED…YOU ARE NOT GOING HOME!**

_Voldemort – You're all just jealous of me!_

_Me – You're safe. That's a good thing._

_Voldemort – I know._

**… UH…HERMIONE PLEASE!**

_Malfoy – Mudblood!_

**YOU SANG –hurls big heavy chair at Malfoy- BILLIE JEAN. THE JUDGES WERE WONDERING WHO IN MERLIN'S NAME WAS BILLIE JEAN. I KEPT TELLING THEM BILLIE JEAN AIN'T REAL. THEY DIDN'T LISTEN. THE WORLD VOTED…YOU ARE SAFE!**

_Malfoy – Why has everyone been safe so far?_

_Me – Shut that hole in your face!_

**PADMA AND PARVATI PLEASE!**

_Padma and Parvati- :D_

**YOU TWO SANG DIRTY DIANA. EVERYONE _STILL_ WANTED TO KNOW WHO YOU WERE SINGING ABOUT. THE WORLD VOTED…AND YOU'RE IN THE BOTTOM THREE SLASH FOUR TONIGHT.**

_Padma and Parvati– :(_

**STAND OVER THERE. OR ELSE I WILL GIVE VOLDEMORT HIS WAND BACK.**

_Padma and Parvati– O.O_

**HAHA. SUCKERS. :D NOW CAN I HAVE HARRY TO THE STAGE?**

_Harry – I'm right behind you._

_Me - Right._

**YOU SANG DON'T STOP TILL YOU GET ENOUGH. THE JUDGES WERE CONFUSED –mutters: go figure- AND I LOST MY TEMPER WITH THE JUDGES. THE WORLD VOTED AND YOU ARE…SAFE!**

_Harry – The only empty seat is by Voldemort._

_Me – I know. We're bringing the other chairs back after the next person who is safe leaves._

_Harry – Hey! So you're going to let me die?!_

_Me – Oh, please, you're the Boy Who Lived. I think you can take him._

**-laughs maniacally at Harry- OH, SORRY…GINNY TO THE STAGE PLEASE… :D**

_Ginny – Do I have to sit by Voldemort?_

_Me – Nope._

**YOU SANG P.Y.T., AND AGAIN, THE FRIKKIN' JUDGES WERE CLUELESS, AND I WAS GETTING TIRED OF IT. THE WORLD VOTED, AND…YOU'RE IN THE BOTTOM THREE…FOUR…THREE AND FOUR THINGY TONIGHT.**

_Ginny - -swear word I will not repeat-_

**LUNA TO THE STAGE.**

_Luna - -skips to the stage-_

**YOU SANG ROCKIN' ROBIN. MCGONAGALL THOUGHT IT WAS SHORT BUT LIKED IT. HAGRID WANTED TO KNOW WHAT A ROBIN WAS. THE WORLD VOTED…AND YOU ARE SAFE!**

_Luna – I like pudding. :D_

**I HONESTLY DON'T KNOW WHAT'S WRONG WITH THAT GIRL…AND HERE'S MALFOY.**

_Malfoy – It's about time talent actually took the stage._

_Me – Did you forget Voldemort has already been declared safe?_

_Malfoy – His performance bored me._

**YOU SANG BAD. MCGONAGALL GOT ANGRY AT THE OTHER JUDGES AND SO DID I BECAUSE –shouts- THEY WERE COMPLETELY CLUELESS AGAIN! –normal voice- ANYWAY…THE WORLD VOTED AND YOU ARE SAFE!**

_Malfoy – Whoop dee doo._

**HEEHEE. :D RON PLEASES.**

_Ron - -wakes up- Wha-?_

_Hermione – It's time to be judged, Ronald._

_Ron – Oh, okay._

**YOU SANG BEAT IT. THE JUDGES MADE A VEIN IN MY HEAD THROB WITH THEIR CLUELESSNESS. BUT THE WORLD VOTED AND…YOU ARE SAFE!**

_Ron – Okay. Whatever. –sits next to Hermione and goes back to sleep-_

**CHO AND NEVILLE TO THE STAGE!**

_Cho – And Neville?_

_Neville – And me?_

_Cho – At the same time?_

_Neville – I don't want to be next!_

**CHO, YOU SANG ROCK WITH ME. VOLDEMORT WAS GETTING HIS GROOVE ON. :D NEVILLE, YOU SANG THEY DON'T CARE ABOUT US. MCGONAGALL GAVE FIVE POINTS TO GRYFFINDOR HOUSE. THE WORLD VOTED…AND CHO, YOU ARE SAFE. NEVILLE, PLEASE JOIN THE OTHER PEOPLE DOWNSTAGE.**

_Neville – Okay…_

_Ginny – Hi, Neville._

_Neville – I thought you were good._

_Ginny – You weren't so bad yourself._

_Padma – Hey!_

_Parvati – We can hear everything you're saying!_

**SHUT UP. NOW, I AM GOING TO SEND ONE OF YOU BACK TO SAFETY. NEVILLE…**

_Neville - -passes out-_

**I WAS JUST GOING TO TELL HIM HE'S SAFE.**

_Harry - -sighs- I got him. –comes onstage and drags Neville off by his feet-_

**OKAY…WELL…IT'S DOWN TO THIS. PADMA AND PARVATI…YOU ARE GOING HOME TONIGHT.**

_Parvati – But it's morning where you have us locked up at._

**DO I LOOK LIKE I CARE? :l GINNY, YOU ARE SAFE!**

_Ginny – HA! IN YOUR FACES!…I mean, I'm terribly sorry._

**PADMA AND PARVATI ARE GOING TO BE SINGING ONE MORE TIME.**

_Luna – I'm going to find some pudding. –skips away-_

Padma and Parvati - Oh no oh no oh no you'll never make me stay so take your weight off of me I know your every move so won't you just let me be I've been here times before but I was too blind to see that you seduce every man this time you won't seduce me she's saying that's okay hey baby do what you please I have the stuff that you want I am the thing that you need she looked me deep in the eyes she's touching me so to start she says there's no turning back she trapped me with her arm dirty Diana, nah, dirty Diana, nah, dirty Diana, no, Dirty Diana, let me be!

**THANK YOU FOR TUNING IN! NEXT TIME OUR CONTESTANTS WILL BE SINGING ROCK SONGS!**

_Ron - -wakes up, wipes drool off his face- What's going on?_

_Hermione – Padma and Parvati have been voted off and we're going to be singing rock songs._

_Ron – Rock?_

_Hermione – It's Muggle music._

_Ron – Oh._

**WITH OUR MUSICAL MENTOR, JON BON JOVI!**

_Hermione - -screams-_

_Cedric - -screams-_

_Hermione – Why are you screaming?_

_Cedric – I don't know. You were doing it. It's fun._

_Ron - -screams- I'm screaming because I don't know who Jon Bon Jovi is!_

_Hermione – Obviously._

_Ron – Is that an insult?_

_Hermione – Perhaps._

**-Harry runs onstage and takes mic- HEY!**

_Harry – How did you get a non-Magical item to work in Hogwarts?_

**GET OFF THE STAGE, PLEASE.**

_Harry – I'm just asking, gosh._

**OKAY…THANK YOU EVERYONE!**


	4. Round Two VOTING CLOSED

**Okay, welcome back (after a long, long, LONG hiatus) to HP IDOL!**

_Voldemort - -grabs microphone- VOTE FOR ME...OR ELSE._

_Harry - -runs and hides in corner-_

_Cedric - -runs after him, shoves him out of the way, hides in corner-_

_-Harry and Cedric fight over who gets the corner-_

_Me - -takes the mic from Voldy, kicks Harry as I go past, attempts to hit Cedric but he shoves wand in my face-_

**Anyway (backs away from Cedric)...since last time our contestants made a music video for you to watch. Enjoy. :D**

_Me - -presses play button on VCR-_

_Voldy - -on screen, his face appears in the camera.- This is TOM FUCKIN' RIDDLE. AKA Lord Voldemort. -cough cough AKA Slash cough cough- and you better vote for me, or else I'll shove my wand up your a-_

_Everyone other than Voldy - O.O_

**Uh...what happened to the music video?**

_Voldy - I broke it. :D_

**ASSHOLE! Anyway, I'm sorry for the hiatus, the stupid contestants -evil glare- set my computer on fire. NOT COOL, GUYS.**

_Cedric - At least _you_ didn't have to hold it while it was _burning.

_Fred and George - -smirk-_

_Harry - You dropped it!_

_Cedric - Because SOMEBODY shoved it in my hands!_

_Hermione - How do you set a computer on fire?_

_Voldemort - LIKE THIS! -takes wand out, aims it at my computer screen-_

_Me - NO! DON'T! THIS ISN'T MY LAPTOP! Voldy, time out!_

_Voldemort - :'(_

**This week our mentor was Bon Jovi. Our last mentor was sort of killed... -evil glare at Voldy-**

_Voldemort - It was an honest mistake!_

_Me - You're in time out! And I'm taking your wand again!_

_All contestants besides Voldy - YES!_

**And first up is...**

_Snape - -opens door to dungeon-_

_Me - Oh, hello Snape._

_Snape - You're having an amatuer talent contest without me?_

_Me - Oh, well, uh, Snapey...._

_Snape - -sits at judge's table-_

**Well, first up is Harry Potter...**

_Fan girls - EEEEE! :DDDD_

_Me - SHUT UP!_

_Fan girls - :l_

**...singing WANTED DEAD OR ALIVE.**

_Jon Bon Jovi - -runs across stage screaming like a fan girl-_

**SECURITY!**

Harry - -mutters: damn intro music...- It's all the same only the names have changed every day it seems we are wasting away another place where the faces are so cold I'd drive all night just to get back home I'm a cowboy on a steel horse I ride I'm wanted dead or alive wanted dead or alive

_Fan girls - -crickets chirping-_

_Me - You can scream now._

_Fan girls - -scream as soon as I say 'scream-_

_Me - Uh, Ginny...?_

_Ginny - SHUT IT!_

_Fan girls - :l_

_Ginny - :D_

_Me - Thank you._

**JUDGES?**

_Dumbledore - -raises hand-_

_Me - -rolls eyes- Yes?_

_Dumbledore - Voldemort's text messaging in time out!_

_Me - -takes phone away, Voldemort steals it back-_

_Dumbledore - Anywhore...who would want you dead, Harry?_

_Voldemort - -sends text message-_

_Me - Hold on, I've got a text. -text appears on giant screen-_

_Text - That would be me. From: Voldy_

_Snape - Five hundred points from Griffindor._

_Harry - For what?!_

_Snape - For that performance, Potter. It made my ears bleed._

_McGonagall - If he's here, I'm leaving. -BLEEP- you, Severus!_

_Snape - Just trying to help._

_Hagrid - -snores-_

_Me - WAKE UP!_

_Hagrid - Wha? Oh. Good. -falls asleep-_

**-.- ANYWHORE ;) HERMIONE IS UP NEXT WITH I LOVE ROCK AND ROLL!**

Hermione - I saw him dancing there by the record machine I knew he must have been about seventeen the beat was going strong playing my favorite song and I could tell it wouldn't be long till he was with me yeah me singing and I could tell it wouldn't be long till he was with me yeah me singing I love rock and roll put another dime in the jukebox baby I love rock and roll so come and take your time and dance with me

**JUDGES?**

_Dumbledore - How would a baby put a dime in a jukebox? It's much too small to reach the coin slot!_

_Hagrid - What's a ju'ebox?_

_Snape - Another fifty points from Griffindor._

_Hermione - That's not fair!_

_Snape - Seventy-five._

_Hermione - But..._

_Snape - One hundred._

_Hermione - But..._

_Snape - One hundred twenty-five, want to try for fifty?_

_Hermione - :(_

**VOLDY, YOU CAN COME OUT OF TIME OUT NOW.**

_Voldy - Why?_

_Me - You're up._

_Voldy - Okie dokie! :D -skips to center stage-_

**QUEER. ANYWHORE, VOLDY WILL BE SINGING LIVIN ON A PRAYER!**

_Fan girls - -cower in fear-_

Voldy - Once upon a time not so long ago Tommy used to work on the docks union's been on strike he's down on his luck it's tough um so tough Gina works the diner all day working for her man she brings home her pay for love um for love she's says we gotta hold on to what we've got it doesn't make a difference if we make it or not we've got each other and that's a lot for love we'll give it a shot oooh we're halfway there whoa livin' on a prayer take my hand and we'll make it I swear whoa livin' on a prayer!

_Fan girls - -slow clap builds into a thunderous applause-_

_Dumbeldore - Amazing._

_Snape - Who was the idiot who let Voldemort into this competition?_

_Amos - The rules state..._

_Snape - Shut up._

_Hagrid - I'm speechless._

**IS THAT GOOD OR BAD, HAGRID? ANYWHORE -I like saying that so deal with it- IT'S LUNA WITH KILLER QUEEN!**

Luna - -pouts because Voldy took her skippy thingy- She keeps Moet et Chandon in her pretty cabinet let them eat cake she said just like Marie Antoinette a built-in remedy for Kruschev and Kennedy at anytime an invitation you can't decline caviar and cigarettes well versed in etiquette extraordinarily nice she's a killer queen gunpowder gelatine dynamite with a laser beam guaranteed to blow your mind anytime ooh recommended at the price insatiable an appetite wanna try

_Dumbledore - -whipes tears from his eyes-_

_Snape - Two points from Ravenclaw._

_Dumbledore - For _what?!?!?!

_Snape - For singing about a woman when Luna is a girl._

_Me - You sexist pig!_

_Snape - I'm not sexit, I'm houseist._

_Me - Houseist?_

_Snape - It's like racism against Hogwarts houses. Fifty points for a stupid question._

_Me - I don't go to school at Hogwarts._

_Snape - Which house is your favorite?_

_Me - It'd have to be..._

_Cedric - DON'T SAY IT!_

_Me - Hufflepuff._

_Dumbledore - What the hell is a Hufflepuff?_

_Cedric - -stupid grin, shrugs-_

_Hagrid - Can we get going now?_

**CEDRIC IS NOW GOING TO BE SINGING SWEET CHILD O MINE! :D -acts like fan girl-**

_Cedric - -to me- Maddie, you're scaring me._

_Me - SUCK IT!_

_Cedric - What?_

_Me - -_-_

Cedric - She's got a smile and it seems to me reminds me of childhood memories where everything was as fresh as the bright blue sky now and then I see her face she takes me away to that special place and if I'd stare too long I'd probably break down and cry sweet child o mine sweet child o mine

_Fan girls - -scream-_

_Cedric - Stay back! -pulls out Edward Cullen- I have a sparkly vampire! -looks at Edward- And a clone!_

_Fan girls - -scream and attack Cedric...er, Edward...er, Cedric...er, both of them-_

_Cedric - STAY AWAY! -pulls out Cedric from _A Very Potter Musical_- I have a finder!_

_AVPM Cedric - Hufflepuffs are particularly good _finders!

_Fan girls - -scream in fear and sit down-_

_Dumbledore - You have children?_

_Me - Did you judges learn NOTHING from last time?_

_Snape - Another fifty points from Hufflepuff._

_Cedric - :l Dammit, Maddie._

_Me - He wanted to know!_

_Hagrid - There are some scary guys here._

_Voldemort - MY BAND! Axl!_

_Me - VOLDY YOU ARE NOT SLA...GUNS N ROSES?!_

_Axl - Sup._

**WHILE I FREAK OUT OVER GUNS N ROSES, HERE IS CHO -scowl- SINGING I HATE MYSELF FOR LOVING YOU.**

Cho - Midnight gettin uptight where are you ya said you'd meet me now it's quarter to two I know I'm hanging but I'm still wanting you hey Jack it's a fact they're talking in town I turn my back and you're messin around I'm not really jealous don't like lookin like a clown I think of you every night and day you took my heart and you took my pride away I hate myself for loving you can't break free from the things that you do I wanna walk but I run back to you that's why I hate myself for loving you

_Snape - Five points from Ravenclaw for a rock ballad slash love song._

_Voldy - Did someone say SLASH?_

_Me - Oh my God, Voldy, SHUT UP!_

_Dumbledore - -dances- YIPPEE!_

_Hagrid - How do you hate yourself? Like this? -beats self up-_

**UGH, YOU GUYS ARE IDIOTS.**

_Dumbledore, Snape, and Hagrid - But we're _YOUR _idiots! :D_

**UH, NO. EPIC FAIL. NEVILLE, GET YOUR ASS UP HERE WHILE I KILL THE JUDGES, AND YOU BETTER SING SURFIN' USA, OR ELSE I'LL DO SOMETHING! AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT IS BECAUSE EVERYONE HAS ALWAYS DONE WHAT I SAY!**

Neville - :O If everybody had an ocean across the U.S.A. then everybody'd be surfin like California you'd see them wearing their baggies Huarachi sandals too a bushy bushy blonde hairdo surfin' U.S.A. everybody's gone surfin' surfin' U.S.A. everybody's gone surfin' surfin' U.S.A. everybody's gone surfin' surfin' U.S.A. everybody's gone surfin' surfin' U.S.A. yeah everybody's gone surfin' surfin' U.S.A.

_Dumbledore - But we're British...and in Scottland!_

_Me - Shut it._

_Snape - Ten points from Griffindor. Mr. Longbottom needs geography lessons._

_Hagrid - What's 'surfin'?_

_Me - Just shut up._

_Hagrid - Yes, ma'am._

**AS I BEAT THE JUDGES -cough cough Snape cough cough- TO A BLOODY PULP, PLEASE ENJOY GINNY SINGING LET IT BE!**

Ginny - -magically makes a piano pop up- When I find myself in times of trouble Mother Mary comes to me speaking words of wisdom let it be and in my hour of darkness she is standing right in front of me speaking words of wisdom let it be let it be let it be let it be let it be whisper words of wisdom let it be

_Dumbledore - I thought your mother was Molly?_

_Me - You idiots! -.-_

_Snape - Eighteen points from Griffindor for forgetting who your parents are!_

_Me - Okay, now you're just being difficult!_

_Hagrid - -sniff- I promised I wouldn't cry._

_Snape - Oh, grow up!_

**MALFOY IS SINGING ACCIDENTALLY IN LOVE WHILE THE JUDGES KILL EACH OTHER. -grins, grabs popcorn and watches judges-**

Malfoy - So she said what's the problem baby what's the problem I don't know well maybe I'm in love LOVE I think about it every time I think about it can't stop thinking about it how much longer will it take to cure this just to cure it cause I can't ignore it if it's love LOVE makes me wanna turn around and face me but I don't know nothing but love ah come on come on turn a little faster come on come on the world will follow after come on come on cause everybody's after love

**OMIGAWD.**

_Snape - Ten million points to Slytherin._

_Me - CHEATER!_

_Dumbledore - Severus, you can't do that._

_Snape - Oh. Damn._

_Hagrid - What is this 'love' you speak of?_

_Me - Are you ****ing kidding me?_

**RON WILL BE SINGING...BEAT IT?**

_Hermione - Ron, you sang that last time. And it's not rock._

_Ron - Oh my God Hermione shut up! Okay, fine, I have another song ready. -whispers in my ear-_

**THAT'S MORE LIKE IT! RON IS SINGING ALL THE YOUNG DUDES!**

Ron - Well Billy rapped all night about his suicide how he kick it in the head when he was twenty-five speed jive don't wanna stay alive when you're twenty-five and Wendy's stealing clothes from Mark's and Spark's and Freedy's got spots from ripping off the stars from his face funky little boat race television man is crazy saying we're juvenile delinquet wrecks oh man I need TV when I got T Rex oh brother you guessed I'm a dude dad all the young dudes hey dudes carry the news where are ya boogaloo dudes stand up come on carry the news all the young dudes I want to hear you carry the news I want to see you boogaloo dudes and I want to talk to you all of you carry the news

_Dumbledore - Alright, dude! Ron taught me that word. :D_

_Snape - Yes, what an accomplishment...ten points from Griffindor for using a slang term..._

_Audience - -throws rotten fruit at Snape-_

_Hagrid - What's a T Rex?_

_Me - Does it matter? Geez..._

**CLOSING FOR THIS LEG OF THE COMPETITION, FRED AND GEORGE WILL BE SINGING ALL DAY AND ALL OF THE NIGHT!**

_Fred and George - Wicked._

**AND STOP SAYING THAT!**

Fred and George - I'm not content to be with you in the daytime girl I want to be with you all of the time the only time I feel alright is by your side girl I want to be with you all of the time all day and all of the night all day and all of the night all day and all of the night

_Dumbledore - -dances- Why didn't someone sing _Dancing Queen?

_Contestants - SHUT UP!_

_Dumbledore - I liked it, though. :)_

_Snape - I won't take points for that performance._

_Everyone but Malfoy - EPIC WIN!_

_Hagrid - Is it over yet?_

**PLEASE CAST YOUR VOTES FOR WHO YOU WANT TO STAY AND WHO YOU WANT TO GET THE -extreme cussing- OUT OF HERE!**


	5. Elimination Round Two

**WELCOME BACK! :D**

_Harry - What's with the smile? It is happy yet disturbing!_

**SUCK IT!**

_Cedric - You said that to me yesterday!_

**I DON'T CARE! BOTH OF YOU CAN SUCK IT OR JOIN VOLDY IN TIME OUT!**

_Voldy - -waves-_

_Cedric - Is there a third option?_

**NO! SHUT UP!**

_Cedric - Yes, ma'am._

**-smirk- ANYWHORE, YESTERDAY THE PATHETIC LOSERS I HAVE LOCKED UP--**

_Fred and George - We are NOT pathetic!_

**YES, YOU ARE. ANYWHORE, THE PATHETIC LOSERS I HAVE LOCKED UP SANG CLASSIC ROCK SONGS! -screams like a fan girl thinking of Cedric/Harry's performance- YEAH, THAT ROCKED. ;P**

_Cedric - -raises hand-_

**WHAT?!**

_Cedric - Voldemort's threatening me!_

_Voldy - Am not! -shoots spitball at Cedric-_

**KEEP DOING THAT, IT'S FUNNY! ;D ANYWHORE, CAN HARRY COME TO THE STAGE?**

_Harry - Wha?_

**GET THE **** UP HERE!**

_Harry - O-okay.... -comes up acting super ultra mega afraid-_

**YOU SANG WANTED DEAD OR ALIVE. DUMBL...**

_Harry - We all know that, asshole!_

**SHUT UP! THIS IS MY SHOW...ER, STORY...ER, THING! SUCK IT! -super ultra mega mad- YOU'RE SAFE.**

_Harry - -super ultra mega p*ssed- Thank you! :S_

**HERMIONE, GET THE ********************************************** UP HERE!**

_Hermione - Stop swearing._

_Ron - OHMYGOD, HERMIONE! SHUT UP!_

_Hermione - :S_

**YOU SANG I LOVE ROCK AND ROLL. THE JUDGES WERE...WELL, IDIOTS. ;) THE INTERNET VOTED...**

Voldy - -singing- The internet is for porn!

**SHUT UP! -throws brick at Voldy- ANYWHORE, THE INTERNET VOTED...YOU ARE NOT GOING HOME TONIGHT.**

_Hermione - Was the brick really necessary?_

**YES, IT WAS. NOW SUCK IT!**

_Hermione - That's a very derogatory term._

**SHUT. THE. -extreme cussing- UP. JUST GET VOLDY UP HERE, kk?**

_Voldy - -does skippy thingy again- Yeeeeeeees?_

**...**

_Voldy - Was it something I said?_

**NO, RATHER SOMETHING YOU SANG...ANYWHORE, YOU SANG LIVIN ON A PRAYER...SNAPE WANTED TO KNOW WHY YOU WERE IN THE COMPETITION.**

_Voldy - Because I'm awesome, dammit!_

**SUUUUUUUURE...ANYWHORE, YOU ARE...NOT GOING HOME TONIGHT.**

_Voldy - What home?_

**GOOD POINT.**

_Voldy - Who do I bring up now?_

**YOUR MOM! ALRIGHT, JUST GET LUNA UP HERE...OR ELSE.**

_Voldy - Or else what?_

**...A FAIL SO EPIC, IT'S ALMOST A WIN.**

_Luna - What's an epic fail?_

**THIS! -does EXTREME epic fail- GOT IT?**

_Luna - I like pudding. :)_

**I DIDN'T ASK IF YOU LIKED PUDDING. ANYWHORE...**

_Voldy - STOP SAYING THAT! -takes wand out-_

_Cedric - Stop stealing that back! -takes wand away-_

**THANK YOU, CEDRIC.**

_Cedric - Anytime._

**ANYWHORE -glance at Voldy- YOU SANG KILLER QUEEN. I LOVE THAT SONG BTW. :P SNAPE TOOK TWO POINTS FROM RAVENCLAW -mutters Houseist bastard- DUMBLEDORE LIKED IT.**

_Luna - -giggle-_

**...ANYWHORE, YOU WILL NOT BE LEAVING TONIGHT.**

_Hermione - Is anyone leaving tonight?_

**OHMYGOD, HERMIONE, SHUT UP!**

_Hermione - Who do you think you are?_

**I THINK I AM THE CREATOR OF THIS COMPETITION, DAMMIT!**

_Cedric - She's got a point._

_Hermione - She's got no point! Er, she _has_ no point!_

_Cedric - -cough yes she does cough-_

_Hermione - -.-_

_Cho - Why do you constantly swear and say 'anywhore'?_

**DAMMIT, I'M GLAD YOU'RE LEAVING. I MEAN.... :D**

_Cho - What?!?!?!?!_

**YOU HEARD NOTHING. :l NOTHING.**

_Cho - But I distinctly heard you say..._

**NO YOU DID NOT!**

_Cho - Okay...?_

**CEDRIC, GET UP HERE SO I CAN FREAK OUT OVER YOUR PRESCENCE! I MEAN...GET UP HERE. :D**

_Cedric - -cough cough CRAZY cough cough-_

**-evil glance at Cho- AND YOU THOUGHT _I_ HAD THE PROBLEM. COUGHING BOY!**

_Cedric - :l_

**YOU SANG SWEET CHILD O MINE -thank you Jeebus!- AND THE JUDGES WERE COMPLETE IDIOTS AGAIN! DAMN!**

_Cedric - Aw...someone needs a hug!_

_Voldy - -runs up and hugs Cedric tightly-_

_Cedric - Uh...I was talking to _her.

_Voldy - Suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuure...._

**DO I STILL GET THAT HUG...?**

_Cedric - Sure....Voldemort, let go of me. -roundhouse kicks Voldemort-_

_Voldemort - -sent flying across the stage-_

**YES!! _EPIC WIN!!_ -runs up and hugs Cedric longer than necessary-**

_Cedric - You can let go now._

**NO! LET IT LAST! -five minutes later- OKAY, ANYWHORE -call me- YOU SANG SWEET CHILD O MINE, THE JUDGES AGGRIVATED ME AND PUSHED ME OVER THE EDGE. THE INTERNET VOTED...YOU ARE SAFE!**

_Cedric - YES! EPIC WIN!_

**NICELY DONE, CEDRIC.**

_Cedric - -sits down-_

**CHO, GET UP HERE SO I CAN VERBALLY ABUSE YOU!**

_Cho - Whyyyyy?_

**SHUT UP!**

_Edward Cullen - Bella, since when were you Asian?_

_Everyone else - O_e_

**CHO, YOU SANG I HATE MYSELF FOR LOVING YOU. HAGRID WONDERED HOW YOU COULD HATE YOURSELF. YOU BURNED MY EARDRUMS AND TOTALLY BLUDGEONED A GREAT SONG.**

_Cho - Hey!_

**THE INTERNET VOTED...-fast and in high pitched voice- GO STAND IN THE BOTTOM THREE, SUCKA!**

_Cho - -.-_

**:D NOW, NEVILLE...GET UP HERE.**

_Neville - -quivers in fear-_

**YOU SANG SURFIN' U.S.A. SNAPE WAS BEING A DILDO. HAGRID ASKED WHAT 'SURFIN' MEANT. THE INTERNET VOTED...GO JOIN CHO, YOU FREAK! I MEAN...I'M TERRIBLY SORRY. :P**

_Neville - No, you're not._

**I KNOW!**

_Neville - -walks away, afraid of me-_

**NOW CAN I HAVE GINNY UP HERE?**

_Ginny - I already know what you're going to say--Ginny, you sang _Let It Be,_ the judges were idiots, Hagrid liked it, blah blah blah, the Internet voted and you are safe._

**...YEAH, THAT'S ABOUT IT!**

_Ginny - -whacks Ron on the back of the head- Told you!_

**HAHAHA! YOU JUST GOT PWNED! :D NOW MAY I HAVE RON UP HERE? -snicker-**

_Ron - Stop laughing!_

**NO, I DON'T THINK I WILL.**

_Ron - :(_

**YOU SANG ALL THE YOUNG DUDES. YOU TAUGHT DUMBLEDORE 'DUDE'. THE INTERNET VOTED...YOU ARE NOT GOING HOME TONIGHT!**

_Ron - Nooooooooooooooooooo!_

**RON, THAT'S A GOOD THING.**

_Ron - No, I miss the Burrow!_

**FRED AND GEORGE AND MALFOY, GET UP HERE NOW!**

_Malfoy - Go me._

**FRED AND GEORGE, YOU SANG ALL DAY AND ALL OF THE NIGHT. DUMBLEDORE WANTED SOMEONE TO SING DANCING QUEEN. SNAPE WAS ACTUALLY PLEASENT FOR ONCE. HAGRID GAVE ME A MIGRIANE. MALFOY, YOU SANG ACCIDENTALLY IN LOVE. SNAPE CHEATED. DUMBLEDORE TOLD HIM OFF. AND HAGRID GAVE ME A MIGRIANE. FRED AND GEORGE.......................................**

_Everyone present - JUST HURRY UP AND SAY IT!_

**ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT...FRED AND GEORGE, YOU ARE SAFE, MALFOY YOU ARE IN THE BOTTOM THREE.**

_Malfoy - NOT COOL._

**I DIDN'T DO IT! JUST STAND WITH NEVILLE AND CHO.**

_Malfoy - Fine. :l_

**NOW, IMMA SEND ONE OF YOU TO SAFETY. NEVILLE, YOU WERE HERE LAST TIME. ARE YOU NERVOUS? WELL, ANYWHORE. NEVILLE...**

_Neville - WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?! -faints-_

**MUST YOU DO THAT EVERY TIME?! YOU'RE SAFE, DUMBASS!**

_Harry - -pulls out wand- Accio Neville!_

_Neville - -flies through the air to the chairs-_

**NOW ONE OF YOU WILL GO HOME, AND THAT PERSON IS...CHO CHANG. -yes!!!!!!!!-**

_Cho - Um...I already knew that. You said it earlier._

**I TOLD YOU TO IGNORE ME! NOW YOU MAY SING I HATE MYSELF FOR LOVING YOU ONE MORE TIME -cringe-**

_Cho - -sings, I go _LALALALALALALALALA _the entire time to block out her nasally voice-_

**THANKS FOR TUNING IN AND VOTING OFF CHO! TUNE IN NEXT TIME WHEN OUR CONTESTANTS WILL BE SINGING SONGS FROM MOVIES...SO PLEASE DON'T DESTROY THE MOVIES IN THE PROCESS OF CHOOSING A SONG -evil glare at Voldy- THANK YOU. PLEASE JOIN IN NEXT TIME! BYE!**

_Cedric - I LOVE YOU!_

**OHMYGOD OHMYGOD OHMYGOD. -faint-**


	6. Round Three VOTING CLOSED

**THIS...IS HP IDOL!**

_-American Idol title sequence-y thing starts-_

**I SEE YOU'VE COME BACK...HERE ARE OUR JUDGES...PAULA!**

_Dumbledore - Who's 'Paula'?_

**RANDY!**

_McGonagall - Oh, for heaven's sake, stop using the wrong names!_

**SIMON!**

_Snape - It's 'Severus'._

**AAAAAAAAAND...KARA!**

_Hagrid - Who?_

**AND I'M YOUR HOST, RYAN SEACREST! :P ANYWHORE, I'M GLAD (SORTA) THAT YOU CAME BACK.**

_Hermione - 'Sorta' isn't a word. It's--_

**HERMIONE, I'M NOT SURE IF ANYONE'S TOLD YOU THIS, BUT...**

_Ron - -just like Ron in AVPM- Oh my God, Hermione! SHUT UP!_

**ACTUALLY I WAS GOING TO SAY 'SHUT THE FUCK UP', BUT THAT WORKS!**

_Hermione - -_-_

**OUR CONTESTANTS WILL BE SINGING SONGS FROM MOVIES. WE WERE GOING TO HAVE THE BEATLES BE MENTORS...BUT VOLDEMORT WENT APESHIT WHEN TWO OF THE BEATLES TOLD HIM HIS SINGING WAS FLAT AND HE KIND OF KILLED JOHN LENNON AND GEORGE HARRISON IN THE PROCESS.**

_Voldy - They said my singing was flat! That's not a compliment!_

**AND RINGO STARR AND PAUL MCCARTNEY GOT SO SCARED THEY FLED, SO OUR MENTOR WAS, INSTEAD, CELINE DION. OH, AND BY THE WAY, I SNAPPED VOLDY'S WAND IN HALF.**

_Voldy - :( -tear-_

**WELL...FIRST UP IS FRED AND GEORGE WITH DREAM ON.**

Fred and George - Sing with me sing for the years sing for the laughter sing for the tears sing with me if it's just for today maybe tomorrow the good Lord will take you away sing with me sing for the years sing for the laughter sing for the tears sing with me if it's just for today maybe tomorrow the good Lord will take you away dream on dream on dream yourself a dream come true dream on dream on dream until your dream come true dream on dream on dream on

**VERY GOOD...BUT WHY START THERE?**

_Fred and George - It was our favorite part._

**AH.**

_Dumbledore - I like dreams. :) Last night I dreamt of lemon drops! :D_

_Snape- -rolls eyes- Fifteen points from Gryffindor._

**SHUT UP!**

_McGonagall - The song fits you, considering all you seem to do in my class is dream._

_Fred and George - We try. :)_

_Hagrid - For a song about dreams you'd think it'd be quieter._

**OH GOD...ANYWHORE, THANK YOU FRED...ER, GEORGE...ER, FRED...ER, YOU TWO. ;P HERE IS LUNA SINGING OVER THE RAINBOW.**

Luna - Somewhere over the rainbow way up high there's a land I heard of once in a lullaby somewhere over the rainbow clouds are blue and the dreams that you dare to dream really do come true someday I'll wish upon a star and wake up where the clouds are far behind me where troubles melt like lemon drops away above the chimney tops that's where you'll find me somewhere over the rainbow bluebirds fly birds fly over the rainbow then why oh why can't I if happy little bluebirds fly above the rainbow why oh why can't I

**THANK YOU LUNA...I LOVE THAT MOVIE! :)**

_Dumbledore - SHE MENTIONED LEMON DROPS! I LOVED IT!_

_Snape - That was complete nonsense. Five points from Ravenclaw. And an additional five points. Because the last person voted off was from Ravenclaw._

**OH SHUT UP!**

_McGonagall - Nice song, Miss Lovegood._

_Hagrid - Yeah. What she said._

**PAY ATTENTION!!**

_Hagrid - I'll try. -mutters: not...-_

**NEXT UP IS NEVILLE SINGING MEN IN BLACK!**

Neville - Here come the men in black uh it's the M.I.B.'s uh here come the M.I.B.'s here come the men in black men in black they won't let you remember nah, nah, nah the good guys dress in black, remember that just in case we ever face to face and make contact the title held by me M.I.B. means what you think you saw, you did not see so don't blink think what was there but now's gone black suit with the black Ray Ban's on walk in shadow, move in silence guard against extra-terrestrial violence but yo we ain't on no government list we straight don't exist no names and no fingerprints saw something strange watch your back cause you never quite know where the M.I.B.'s is at uh and here come the men in black men in black the galaxy defenders uh oh, uh oh here come the men in black men in black they won't let you remember won't remember uh uh, uh uh

_Dumbledore - By any chance are these 'men in black' Deatheaters?_

_Fan girls - -shriek, cower in fear-_

_Snape - Ten points from Gryffindor for singing about Deatheaters._

_Neville - That's not even what it's about!_

_McGonagall - -sigh- Shut up, Severus. That was good, Mr. Longbottom._

_Hagrid - -remembers Guns N Roses- They aren't the men in black from last week, are they?_

**NO, HAGRID...ANYWHORE, THANK YOU, NEVILLE. NOW GINNY WILL BE SINGING MY HEART WILL GO ON.**

Ginny - Every night in my dreams I see you I feel you that is how I know you go on far across the distance and spaces between us you have come to show you go on near far wherever you are I believe that the heart does go on once more you open the door and you're here in my heart and my heart will go on and on

_Dumbledore - Your heart is going on where?_

_Snape - Fifty points from the teachers for such a stupid question._

_Me - Teachers don't get points._

_Snape - Then fifty points from each house except Slytherin._

_McGonagall - Severus!_

_Snape - WHAT?_

_McGonagall - Very good, Miss Weasley._

_Hagrid - I like it. -whipes tear-_

_Snape - Are you kidding me?!_

**EPIC WIN! EH HM. ANYWHORE, RON WILL BE SINGING GREASED LIGHTNING.**

Ron - Why this car is automatic it's systematic it's hydromatic why it's grease lightning grease lightning we'll get some overhead lifters and some four barrel quads oh yeah keep talking whoa keep talking a fuel injection cutoff and chrome plated rods oh yeah I'll get the money I'll kill to get the money with a four speed on the floor they'll be waiting at the door you know that ain't no -beep- we'll be getting lots of -beep- in grease lightning go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go go grease lightning you're burning up the quarter mile grease lightning go grease lightning go grease lightning you're coasting through the heat lap trial you are supreme the chicks'll cream for grease lightning go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go

_Dumbledore - I made the beepy noises!_

_McGonagall - Albus!_

_Snape - You use first names a lot._

_McGonagall - Yes._

_Hagrid - What's 'greas'd lightnin'?_

_Snape - SHUT UP!_

_Hagrid - MAKE ME!_

**WHILE THE JUDGES DUKE IT OUT, PLEASE ENJOY HERMIONE SINGING SEASONS OF LOVE.**

Hermione - 525,600 minutes, 525,000 moments so dear 525,600 minutes how do you measure, measure a year in daylights, in sunsets, in midnights, in cups of coffee in inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife in 525,600 minutes how do you measure a year in the life how about love how about love how about love measure in love seasons of love seasons of love

_Dumbledore - Ah, love is in the air. Ten...no, five hundred twenty five thousand points to Gryffindor!_

_Snape - And another five thousand twenty five thousand points from Gryffindor. And you think _I'm_ unfair._

_McGonagall - That's because you aren't._

_Hagrid - How long is 525,600 minutes?_

_McGonagall - A year._

_Hagrid - I don't think the song was _that_ long..._

**... -_- ANYWHORE, HERE IS VOLDY WITH BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY.**

Voldemort - Is this the real life is this just fantasy caught in a landslide no escape from reality open your eyes look up to the skies and see I'm just a poor boy, I need no sympathy because I'm easy come, easy go a little high little low anyway the wind blows, doesn't really matter to me to me

_Dumbledore - Bravo. :)_

_McGonagall - It wasn't horrible._

_Snape - Why is he in the competition?_

_Voldemort - I had nothing better to do, and she locked me up here._

_Snape - Let me refrase: who let him in the competition?_

_Me - You asked last time._

_Snape - I know. I still want an answer._

_Hagrid - I agree with Dumbledore and McGonagall._

**HARRY WILL BE SINGING ALL STAR.**

Harry - Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed she was looking kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb in the shape of an "L" on her forehead well the years start coming and they don't stop coming fed to the rules and I hit the ground running didn't make sense not to live for fun your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb so much to do so much to see so what's wrong with taking the back streets you'll never know if you don't go you'll never shine if you don't glow hey now you're an All Star get your game on, go play hey now you're a rock star get the show on get paid and all that glitters is gold only shooting stars break the mold

_Dumbledore - Yeah! -grabs McGonagall, starts dancing-_

_McGonagall - _ALBUS!

_Me - Snape, don't you have something to tell Harry?_

_Snape - Uh, yes, your face smells._

_Me - -whacks Snape in the back of the head- Try again._

_Snape - It wasn't horrible._

_Me - Thank you._

_Hagrid - How do you know his face smells?_

_Snape - You don't want to know._

_Me -_ OH GOD.

_Snape - :S_

**HERE IS MALFOY SINGING HARD DAY'S NIGHT!**

Malfoy - It's been a hard day's night, and I been working like a dog it's been a hard day's night, I should be sleeping like a log but when I get home to you I find the things that you do will make me feel alright you know I work all day to get you money to buy you things and it's worth it just to hear you say you're going to give me everything so why on earth should I moan, 'cause when I get you alone you know I feel ok when I'm home everything seems to be right when I'm home feeling you holding me tight, tight it's been a hard day's night, and I been working like a dog it's been a hard day's night, I should be sleeping like a log but when I get home to you I find the things that you do will make me feel alright

_Dumbledore - I'm confused--is it night or day?!_

_Me - If any other judge asked I'd smack them silly._

_McGonagall - Is this a song about having a hard day or about love?_

_Me - Ugh, stop being stupid!_

_Snape - Two points to Slytherin. It would have been five but I have such a headache listening to _THE STUPID HOST _and other performers._

_Malfoy - Go me._

_Hagrid - That was good...can we hurry this up?_

_Hermione - Calm down, Hagrid._

_Me - GET OUTTA HERE!_

_Hermione - Gosh..._

**IT'S OKAY, HAGRID, I WON'T YELL AT YOU! -yells- THERE'S ONLY ONE PERSON LEFT, DAMMIT! -normally- NOW, FINALLY, HERE IS CEDRIC WITH DIRTY LITTLE SECRET!**

Cedric - Let me know what I've done wrong when I've known this all along I go around a time or two just to waste my time with you tell me all that you've thrown away find out games you don't wanna play you are the only one that needs to know I'll keep you my dirty little secret dirty little secret don't tell anyone or you'll be just another regret hope that you can keep it my dirty little secret who has to know

_Dumbledore - Wait. What _is_ this dirty little secret?_

_Cedric - -finger moving thingy that means 'come here'-_

_Dumbledore - -puts ear by Cedric's mouth-_

_Cedric - -whispers in Dumbledore's ear-_

_Dumbledore - Oh, gross! :S_

_Me - What?_

_Cedric - You don't wanna know._

_McGonagall - Rock music--we've had too much of it._

_Snape - Three points from Hufflepuff for rock music._

_Cedric - You're starting to piss me off!_

_Me - 'Starting'?_

_Cedric - Point taken._

_Hagrid - YES! WE'RE DONE! -runs out of room-_

**OKAY, BE SURE TO TEXT THE PERSON'S NAME OF WHO YOU WANT TO LEAVE TO 1 800 555 5555! (JUST KIDDING...JUST REVIEW IT) THANK YOU!**


	7. Elimination Round Three

**WELCOME BACK! :D**

_Ron - I WANNA GO HOME!_

**I COULD HAVE YOU VOTED OFF RIGHT NOW.**

_Ron - Oddly enough...I feel better!_

**-laughs in corner so much my tummy hurts- ANYWHORE, YOU GUYS BETTER BE HAPPY THIS CHAPTER IS UP AT ALL, -starts yelling- BECAUSE MY SELFISH COUSIN WOULDN'T SHARE THE DAMN COMPUTER!**

_Sarah - -waves from Voldy's time out corner-_

**SUCK IT!**

_Sarah - -sticks her tongue out-_

**ANYWHORE, -throws grenade towards time out corner- WE NOW ARE GOING TO BRING ONE PERSON DOWN! YEAH!! :P**

_Contestants - -cower in fear other than Malfoy-_

_Voldemort - -cries- She...she has m-my corner!_

**HAHA!**

_Voldemort - -cries- I want my corner back!_

**NEVER. ANYWHORE, IT'S TIME TO KICK OFF ONE CRYBABY -looks at Voldy- FROM THE COMPETITION!**

_Fred and George - Wicked._

**YOU WON'T BE SAYING THAT WHEN YOU'RE VOTED OFF!**

_Fred - We won't be..._

_George - ...voted off._

_Fred and George - Ickle Maddie._

**WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?**

_Fred and George - You don't want to know._

**O_e ANYWHORE...WILL YOU TWO COME OVER HERE?**

_Fred and George - Wicked._

**YOU SANG 'DREAM ON'. THE JUDGES...YOU KNOW, I'M NOT EVEN GOING TO COMMENT ON THEM ANYMORE. THE INTERNET VOTED, AND...YOU ARE SAFE. -pouts-**

_Fred and George - -get celebratory butterbeer, intertwine arms to drink it- Bottoms up. -chugs butterbeer-_

**O_o OH...KAY....NOW, LUNA. GET UP HERE BEFORE I ROYALLY KICK YOUR ASS!**

_Luna - -skips to centerstage- :D_

**...**

_Luna - :D_

**YOU SANG OVER THE RAINBOW. I HATE THE JUDGES. BUT I LOVE THAT SONG. AND YOU'RE THE ONLY THING THAT KEEPS ME FROM GOING INSANE. THE INTERNET VOTED...**

_Luna - What's an 'internet'? I mean you use the word every week but you never explained it._

**YOU SHOULD KNOW. YOU HAS A TWITTER.**

_Luna - :)_

**ANYWHORE, YOU ARE NOT GOING HOME TONIGHT.**

_Luna - Okie dokie. :D_

**NEVILLE!**

_Neville - WHAT?! -cowers in fear-_

**GET UP HERE!**

_Neville - :l_

**YOU SANG MEN IN BLACK. THE JUDGES...HEY, WHERE DID VOLDY GO?**

_Cedric - Uh...he's holding Harry hostage until Harry is voted off._

_Ginny - And he's got a wand._

**OH, HARRY WILL BE OKAY.**

_-Girlish scream-_

**OH MY GOD HERMIONE, SHUT UP!**

_Hermione - That wasn't me. That was Harry._

**OH...UH...NEVILLE SANG MEN IN BLACK. YOU, FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE I STARTED THIS STUPID COMPETITION, ARE SAFE!**

_Neville - YES! TAKE THAT, GRANDMOTHER! MUAH HA HA HA HA HA HA!_

**O_e GINNY, FIND HARRY AND GET BACK UP HERE!**

_Ginny - I'm not sure I want to..._

**DO IT NOW.**

_Ginny - Okay... -goes backstage, loud noises are heard like cat screeches, breaking objects, etc. like from movies-_

_Voldemort - Now I have ultimate pow...WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!_

_Ginny - -royally kicks Voldy's ass-_

_Voldemort - What the hell do you think you're doing?!_

_Ginny - GIVE ME THAT!...ER, HIM!_

_Harry - :D_

_Ginny - -comes back out; she is horribly beat up, bleeding profoundly, and has Harry right behind her, scratch free-_

**NICELY DONE, GINEVRA.**

_Ginny - Thank you, Madison._

**HEEEEEEEY!**

_Ginny - Well you called me Ginevra._

**GOOD POINT. ANYWHORE, YOU SANG...UH...THE ONE WITH THE...WHAT WAS IT AGAIN?**

_Ginny - My Heart Will Go On._

**OH, YEAH! THAT! ANYWHORE, THE JUDGES HAVE GONE TO GET A TACO. I LOVE THE MOVIE THAT WAS FROM. HOWEVER, THE INTERNET VOTED, AND YOU ARE...IN THE BOTTOM THREE.**

_Ginny - Damn!_

**-like Nigahiga- TEEHEE! I MEAN, I'M TERRIBLY SORRY...NOT! :P**

_Ginny - -_-_

**CAN I HAVE HERMIONE UP HERE NOW?**

_Hermione - Alright._

**YOU SANG SEASONS OF LOVE. THE JUDGES ARE BACK WITH THEIR TACOS.**

_Dumbledore - We went to Taco Bell, then Dell Taco, and finally a taco truck!_

**YES, YES, VERY NICE. NOW, THE INTERNET VOTED...YOU ARE SAFE. AGAIN. JESUS, WOMAN, WILL YOU NEVER GET OUT OF HERE?!**

_Hermione - Hey!_

**SORRY.**

_Hermione - No you're not._

**I KNOW! HARRY POTTER!**

_Harry - Yeeeeeeeees?_

**GET UP HERE SO I CAN TELL YOU YOUR FATE. -Harry complains and gets up on stage- YOU SANG ALL STAR. THE JUDGES NEED TO EAT THEIR TACOS SILENTLY. :S THE INTERNET VOTED...YOU ARE SAFE.**

_Harry - Not while Voldemort's here!_

**TEEHEE! :P**

_Harry - And stop saying that!_

**NEVUH. NOW GET MALFOY.**

_Harry - MALFOY!_

_Malfoy - WHAT?_

_Harry - I LOVE YOU!_

_Malfoy - _WHAT?!?!

_Harry - Just kiddin'. :P Maddie wants you._

_Malfoy - Ugh!_

**SHUT UP! YOU SANG A HARD DAY'S NIGHT. THE JUDGES NEED TO CLEAN UP THEIR TACO MESS.**

_All judges but Dumbledore - -glare at Dumbledore-_

_Dumbledore - Yum. :P_

**THE INTERNET VOTED...AND YOU ARE SAFE.**

_Malfoy - What now, bitches? :P_

**UH, NO. EPIC FAIL. CEDRIC?**

_Cedric - What?_

**YOUR TURN.**

_Cedric - Will you stay conscious this time?_

**I DON'T MAKE ANY PROMISES.**

_Cedric - -pause- Okay! -runs onto stage- Go._

**YOU SA...YOU SA...SANG...OH MY GOD YOU'RE HOT!**

_Cedric - :O_

**SORRY....ANYWHORE, YOU SANG DIRTY LITTLE SECRET. IT APPEARS THAT THE JUDGES HAVE FINISHED THEIR TACOS AND ARE ATTEMPTING TO EAT HOT BOWLS OF CHOWDER WHILE WEARING THE SACK FROM iCARLY. THE INTERNET VOTED...YOU ARE SAFE.**

_Cedric - At least you didn't pass out this time._

**-passes out-**

_Cedric - Oh...whoops..._

**~*~*~*~*~A FEW MINUTES LATER~*~*~*~*~**

_Harry - Maddie?_

**HEH...YOU'RE BLURRY! -continues to act loopy-**

_Cedric - What's wrong with her?_

_Dumbledore - Oh, Voldemort was hexing her so I used some Muggle pain medicine. I think it's called nitrous oxide?_

**HEH, YOU'RE PRETTY...PRETTY, PRETTY GIRL.**

_Cedric - Are you talking to _me?

**YEAH.**

_Cedric - -laughs, I join in, suddenly I stop laughing-_

**WHAT'S SO FUNNY?**

_Cedric - Uh...nothing._

**I'VE GOT A SECRET.**

_Cedric - Okay?_

**COME HERE.**

_Cedric - -gets close to me, I mess around with his hair-_

**-whispering- GOTCHA.**

_Cedric - Hey!_

**-stops acting loopy- ANYWHORE, CAN I HAVE RON AND VOLDEMORT UP HERE PLEASE?**

_Ron - -gets up nervously after Voldemort-_

**RON, YOU SANG GREASED LIGHTNING. THE JUDGES JUST LIED TO THE ENTIRE INTERNET THINGY. VOLDY, YOU SANG BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY. I'M PISSED ABOUT THE JUDGES LYING. THE INTERNET VOTED...YOU ARE BOTH IN THE BOTTOM THREE!**

_Ron - That's not how it works!_

_Voldemort - Yeah, you bring up one safe person and one person in the bottom three, you talk about what they sang and what the judges said, then you send one of them back to safety and the other goes stand with the other two people in the bottom three!_

**WELL IT'S MY SHOW, ER, STORY THINGY, AND WHAT I SAY GOES! NOW GO TO THE BOTTOM THREE!**

_Ron and Voldy - -walk to bottom three, complaining the whole time-_

_Ron - Hey, Ginevra._

_Ginny - Will everyone stop calling me that?!_

_Ron - Nope._

_Ginny - Fine, 'Ronald'._

_Ron - Hey! That's supposed to be a secret!_

_Ginny - 'Secret?' J.K. Rowling made a book series and it _clearly_ says 'Ronald Weasley' in it!_

_Ron - What have you been drinking? Because I'm positive it's not pumpkin juice!_

_Voldemort - Just send me back to safety and get me away from these nubs!_

**HEY, YOU CHEATED! NO ONE WAS SUPPOSED TO KNOW YOU'RE SAFE!**

_Voldemort - I'm not one to follow the rules._

**WELL, VOLDY, THANKS FOR RUINING THE DAMN SURPRISE, ASSHOLE!**

_Voldemort - YOU'RE WELCOME! :D -smiles and goes back to safety-_

**WELL...BROTHER AND SISTER IN THE BOTTOM TWO...THE INTERNET VOTED, AND...GINEVRA...**

_Ginny - :S_

**YOU ARE GOING HOME TONIGHT. THERE. I WON'T CALL YOU GINEVRA ANYMORE.**

_Ginny - I'm happy about that yet kind of bummed._

**YOU GET TO SING AGAIN.**

Ginny - Every night in my dreams I see you I feel you that is how I know you go on far across the distance and spaces between us you have come to show you go on near far wherever you are I believe that the heart does go on once more you open the door you are here in my heart and my heart will go on and on

**THANKS FOR WATCHING! NEXT TIME CONTESTANTS WILL BE SINGING SONGS FROM MY TOP TEN FAVORITE SONGS. :P**

_All contestants (including Ginny) - Why?_

**BECAUSE I SAID SO! GOSH! :D JOIN IN NEXT TIME...OR NOT...TO HP IDOL!**

_Cedric - That was a horrible trick the judges played._

_Fred - Oh, the judges didn't do anything._

_Cedric - They didn't?_

_George - WE gave her nitrous oxide._

_Fred and George - Wicked._

_Cedric - WHAT?!_

**I'M SLEEPY... -passes out on the stage-**

_Cedric - O_e_

_Harry - O_e_

_Hermione - How did you get nitrous oxide?_

**this is sarah, maddie's cousin who originally sat in the time out corner. while maddie is passed out i would like to say that she could have used the damn computer at any time. also i want you to check out her other story 'four walls' about harry potter. oh and please, review and let these poor contestants go free!!**

**SARAH!**

**sorry.**

**NO YOU'RE NOT.**

**i know!**

**GO AWAY!!**


	8. Round Four VOTING CLOSED

**hi. this is hp idol. this is sarah, maddie's cousin. please ignore this is all in lowercase. i just wanna say that maddie hurt her arm today in p.e., :( so imma type this for you. yay!**

**NO YOU'RE NOT!**

**i know... :(**

**AND YES, MY ARM HURTS LIKE *extreme swearing*.**

_Cedric - I don't think I've heard of half of those words before..._

_Malfoy - -writing down cuss words- Can you repeat that?_

**okay, she said...**

**GET OFF!**

**:l**

**THANK YOU! ANYWHORE, TODAY OUR...WHAT, EIGHT CONTESTANTS?**

_Harry - I'll count! HOLD STILL! One, two, three...augh, what comes next?! Gotta start over..._

**NEVER MIND. THERE'S NINE. SLASH TEN. FOR FRED AND GEORGE. ANYWHORE, THEY WILL BE SINGING MY TOP TEN FAVORITE SONGS, CAUSE I ROLL LIKE THAT. :) BUT FIRST, SINCE HALLOWEEN IS IN TWO DAYS WHERE I AM AT, THE CONTESTANTS ARE GOING TO BE SINGING A LITTLE SONG.**

THRILLER MUSIC

Harry - It's close to midnight

Malfoy - And something evil's lurking in the dark

Cedric - Under the moonlight

Fred and George - You see a sight that almost stops your heart

Neville - You try to scream

Voldemort - But terror takes the sound before you make it

Luna - You start to freeze

Hermione - As horror looks you right between the eyes

Ron - You're paralyzed

Everyone - Cause this is...

Michael Jackson and everyone - THRILLER! Thriller night!

Everyone - And nobody's gonna save you from the beast about to strike ya know it's...

Michael Jackson and everyone - THRILLER! Thriller night!

Everyone - You're fighting for your life inside of thriller, killer tonight

_Fan girls - :D -scream-_

_Everyone but Voldy - -twitch-_

**UH...WE'RE GONNA START WITH, UH...HERMIONE, AND UH...YEAH. THAT'S IT. OH, SINCE A LOT OF THE CONTESTANTS SANG SOME OF MY FAVORITES IN PREVIOUS WEEKS, THERE MAY BE SOME REPEATS. AND HERMY ;) IS SINGING NATURAL DISASTER.**

_Hermione - Except I changed some of the lyrics so that I'm singing about a boy instead of a girl._

**JUST SHUT UP AND SING.**

_Hermione - Well then technically I wouldn't be 'shutting up' as you asked, I'd be..._

**JUST HURRY THE F!!! UP!**

Hermione - He said he saw me on TV this boy's a legend in the late night scene and you could see he aimed to please cause he just wouldn't take his eyes off me he made the music come to life he moves his body like a butcher knife chopping up every guy in sight he was mysterious I could not resist to save my life I don't know what this boy was after he's a natural, natural disaster he's so sexy I had to have him he's a natural, natural disaster natural disaster

**THANK YOU. SIT DOWN.**

_Hermione - What about the judges?_

**I PUT DUCT TAPE OVER THEIR MOUTH. OR ELSE I'LL GET A MIGRAINE PLUS MY F!!!ING ARM.**

_Dumbledore - Ish misgntb peaslhslt._

_Hermione - What?_

_Dumbledore - Ishsl asohf, ish misgntb peaslhslt!_

_Hermione - Uh...never mind._

**HARRY POTTER WILL BE SINGING KRAZY.**

_Harry - Did you have to refer to me as 'Harry Potter' rather than just 'Harry'?_

**OKAY, 'JUST HARRY' WILL BE SINGING. HAPPY?**

_Harry - No!_

**WELL STOP COMPLAINING AND HURRY UP AND SING THE DAMN SONG.**

_Voldemort - Can I help him? Pleeeeeeeease?_

_Harry - NO! No no no no no no no no no!_

_Voldemort - I just wanna sing back up! :(_

**DAMN IT, HARRY, JUST LET HIM DO IT!**

_Harry - Ugh. Fine._

_Voldemort - Yay!_

Voldemort - Pitbull Lil Jon Federico Franchi hey let's do it again let's do it again we gotta do it again let's make em go krazy I don't think they ready chico are you ready?

Harry - Latinas they get krazy blanquitas they get krazy negritas they get krazy yo mama she is krazy latinas they get krazy blanquitas they get krazy negritas they get krazy yo mama she is krazy now jump up let's get krazy now jump up let's get krazy now jump up let's get krazy now jump up let's get krazy now jump up let's get krazy now jump up let's get krazy now jump up let's get krazy I said damn that's krazy Kanye no style, J-Lo no ass, 50 no beef, Jay-Z no cash, Diddy no Biggie, Fat Joe no pun, Lil Jon no crunk, DMC no run, Jeezy no coke, Katt Williams no joke, MC Hammer still rich not broke just imagine all this baby it's enough to make you go KRAZY latinas they get krazy blanquitas they get krazy negritas they get krazy yo mama she is krazy latinas they get krazy blanquitas they get krazy negritas they get krazy yo mama she is krazy now jump up let's get krazy now jump up let's get krazy now jump up let's get krazy now jump up let's get krazy now jump up let's get krazy now jump up let's get krazy now jump up let's get krazy I said damn that's krazy

_Fan girls - -jump on stage-_

_Harry - Agh!_

_Fan girls - -attack Harry-_

_Fan girl Michelle - I got his glasses!_

_Harry - Hey! I need those!_

_Fan girl Kate - I got his socks!_

**GET OFF THE STAGE! -bitch slaps every fan girl until they leave- IS YOU OKAY?**

_Harry - They took my socks without taking off my shoes. How did they do that?_

**HAHA! AHEM. LUNA SHALL BE SINGING CANDLE (SICK AND TIRED).**

Luna - I took a ride on a February morning just getting over it and dealing with the mourning I started thinking out loud I'm so sick and tired of being sick and tired my baby's flying off the edge of the road she's saying I'm so sorry about that note that left me all alone but I'm so sick and tired of being sick and tired somebody turn the lights on somebody tell me what's wrong I'd be lying if I told you losing you was something I could handle somebody turn the lights on somebody tell me how long all this darkness will surround you cause I'm burning for you burning like a candle

**DAMN, I LOVE THAT SONG. :D GET OFF THE STAGE NOW AND GET VOLDEMORT.**

_Voldemort - Victory is mine!_

**NOT REALLY. :S**

_Voldemort - Oh well._

**WELCOME TO THE JUNGLE. YOU BETTER DO A GOOD JOB, IT'S MY FAVORITE SONG DAMMIT.**

_Voldemort - I'll try._

**YOU BETTER.**

Voldemort - Welcome to the jungle we got fun and games we got everything you want honey we know the names we are the people that can find whatever you may need if you got the money honey we got your disease in the jungle welcome to the jungle watch it bring you to your shun na na na na na na na na na na na na knees, knees I wanna watch you bleed welcome to the jungle we take it day by day if you want it you're gonna bleed but it's the price you pay and you're a very sexy girl that's very hard to please you can taste the bright lights but you won't get them for free in the jungle welcome to the jungle feel my my my serpentine I I wanna hear you scream

_Fan girls - -scream-_

_Voldemort - Do they listen or what?_

**-scream-**

_Voldemort - -to Cedric- Ha! I told you! You owe me twenty Galleons._

_Cedric - WHAT?! No fair! I haven't even gone yet! Then YOU will owe ME twenty Galleons!_

_Voldemort - I'm so sure!_

**WHAT ARE YOU DOING?**

_Cedric and Voldemort - SHUT UP!_

**WHILE THEY DO...WHATEVER IT IS THEY'RE DOING, HERE IS MALFOY SINGING I KNOW YOU WANT ME.**

_Malfoy - I have a backup singer for this._

**PITBULL?!**

_Pitbull - Yes. That is me. Haha._

**UH...OKAY.**

Pitbull - Haha it's Mr. 305 checking in for the remix ya know that S 75 Street Brazil well this year's gonna be called calle ocho haha que ola cata que ola omega and this how we gonna do it dale

Malfoy - 1 2 3 4 uno dos tres cuatro I know you want me ya know I wantcha I know you want me ya know I wantcha I know you want me ya know I wantcha I know you want me ya know I wantcha haha 1 2 3 4 uno dos tres cuatro rumba si ella quiere rumba como rumba si ella quiere rumba como si es verdad que tu eres guapa yo te voy a poner gozar tu tiene la boca grande dala ponte a jugar como 1 2 3 4 uno dos tres cuatro

**HOW'D YOU LEARN SPANISH?**

_Malfoy - ...That was Spanish?_

**UH...NEVILLE WILL BE SINGING ACCIDENTALLY IN LOVE.**

Neville - So she said what's the problem baby what's the problem I don't know well maybe I'm in love love I think about it everytime I think about it can't stop thinking about it how much longer will it take to cure this just to cure it cause I can't ignore it if it's love love makes me wanna turn around and face me but I don't know nothing about love ah come on come on turn a little faster come on come on the world will follow after come on come on cause everybody's after love

**THANK YOU.**

_Neville - For what?_

**FOR NOT MURDERING THE SONG. :P**

_Neville - Oh. Uh...you're welcome?_

**YOU BET I AM! :P ANYWHORE, CEDRIC, IT'S TIME TO STOP FIGHTING, BECAUSE YOU'VE GOT TO SING LET IT ROCK.**

_Cedric - Prepare to lose your money, Voldemort!_

_Voldemort - You wish!_

Cedric - I see your dirty face high behind your collar what is done in vain truth is hard to swallow so you pray to God to justify the way you live a lie live a lie live a lie and you take your time and you do your crime well you made your bed I'm in mine because when I arrive I I bring the fire make you come alive I can take you higher what this is forget I must now remind you let it rock let it rock let it rock

**THANK YOU.**

_Cedric - -whispers: please faint!-_

**YOU MAY SIT DOWN NOW.**

_Cedric - -takes out wand- STUPEFY!_

**-faints-**

_Cedric - I win!_

_Voldemort - No, you lose. The game._

_Cedric - .................. I LOSE! DAMN!_

**~~~~~~a few hours later**

_Harry - Aguamenti!_

**-water sprays in my face- AUGH! COUGH COUGH. ANYWHORE, THANK YOU, CEDRIC. NOW IT IS FRED AND GEORGE SINGING KILLER QUEEN.**

_Fred and George - Wicked._

**OH, I SAW THAT MUSICAL! IT WAS GOOD. :)**

_Fred and George - ?_

**JUST SING.**

Fred and George - She keeps Moet et Chandon in her pretty cabinet let them eat cake she said just like Marie Antoinette a built-in remedy for Kruschev and Kennedy at anytime an invitation you can't decline caviar and cigarettes well versed in etiquette extraordinarily nice she's a killer queen gunpowder gelatine dynamite with a laser beam guaranteed to blow your mind anytime ooh recommended at the price insatiable an appetite wanna try

**THANK YOU. NOW SIT DOWN. :S**

_Fred - Okie..._

_George - ...Dokie._

**....? ANYWHORE, FINISHING OFF THE SHOW IS RON SINGING SHAKE IT! :D**

Ron - Let's drop yeah come on shake shake I'll take you home if you don't leave me at the front door your body's cold but girl we're gettin' so warm and I was thinking of ways that I could get inside tonight we're falling in love let me go now this feeling's tearing me up here we go now now if she does it like this will you do it like that now if she touches like this will you touch her right now if she moves like this will you move her like that come on shake shake shake shake a shake it shake shake shake shake a shake it shake shake shake shake a shake it shake shake shake shake a shake it shake shake shake shake a shake it

**THANK YOU RONALD. :) PLEASE VOTE FOR YOUR FAVORITES AND HOPE MY ARM GETS BETTER.**

_Snape - We got the duct tape off._

**NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!**

_McGonagall - Next time just lock us up and take away our wands._

**LET THE MIGRAINES BEGIN... :S**

_Cedric - Does someone need a hug?_

**NO. SOMEONE NEEDS AN IBUPROFEN.**

_Cedric - A what?_

**NEVER MIND! GOSH!**

_Cedric - :O -backs away slowly-_

**AND SOMEONE -me- NEEDS TO SEE A DOCTOR! BECAUSE OF MY FRICKIN' ARM! BUT MY DADDY SAYS I'M FINE!**

_Cedric - You, too?!_

**UH...YEAH?**

_Cedric - I don't feel like a loner anymore._

**HUH. THIS CHAPTER ISN'T AS FUNNY CAUSE I WANTED TO GET IT DONE FASTER CAUSE OF MY STUPID ARM. GAH. PLEASE REVIEW ANYWAY.**


	9. Elimination Round Four

**MEH. WELCOME BACK.**

_Harry - 'Meh'?_

_Hermione - It's like a slang term for discomfort, boredom, or..._

_Harry - Okay, you can shut up now._

**LAST NIGHT I WAS GOING THROUGH THE SUGGESTION BOX, AND...**

_All male contestants - _We_ have a suggestion box?_

**UH DUH.**

_All male contestants - Since _when?

_Hermione - It's been backstage since this stupid contest began!_

_All male contestants - ... What?_

_Hermione - It's green and says 'suggestions' on the side in big black letters?_

_All male contestants - Oh. _That _suggestion box._

**YOU'RE ALL HOPELESS. WELL, I WAS GOING THROUGH THE SUGGESTION BOX AND I FOUND THE PERFECT SUGGESTION: THE CONTESTANT THAT GETS VOTED OFF MUST GET A TATTOO ON THEIR FOREARM OF MILEY CYRUS AND MICHAEL JACKSON.**

_All contestants except Voldy - Agh!!_

_Voldemort - YES! WOOHOO!_

_Fan girls - O.O_

_Harry - O.e_

_Cedric - Is there another option?_

**WHO SAYS YOU'RE BEING VOTED OFF?**

_Cedric - Well just in case._

**WELL, UH...ANYWHORE, I'M GOING TO MAKE IT INTERESTING: HERMIONE AND LUNA, THE ONLY GIRLS LEFT, GET UP HERE!**

_Luna - Okay! -skippy thingy-_

_Hermione - -stares, twitches once, walks up-_

**HERMIONE, YOU SANG NATURAL DISASTER. MY ARM WAS PRACTICALLY ON FIRE. LUNA, YOU SANG CANDLE, SICK AND TIRED. I WAS SICK AND TIRED OF MY ARM CAUSING ME DISCOMFORT. THE INTERNET VOTED, AND...HERMIONE, YOU ARE IN THE BOTTOM THREE. SO LONG BITCHEZ! :P I MEAN...SO LONG BITCHEZ! :D**

_Hermione - That's the same thing only your facial features changed._

**WHOOPS DON'T CARE.**

_Hermione - Well you're just a ray of fu-_

**OKAY, GO OVER THERE.**

_Hermione - Fine. :l_

**NOW ALL THE GUYS ON STAGE. OR ELSE.**

_Harry - You can't be doing the same thing?_

**SHUT UP! IT'S MY STORY...CONTEST...THING, AND I WANT THE LOSER TO CRY!**

_Cedric - Well that's not very nice._

**NEWSFLASH, DIPSHIT: *I'M* NOT VERY NICE! NOW SHUT THE $%&# UP AND STOP GIVING ME A FRICKIN' MIGRAINE!**

_Cedric - O.O Okay._

**THANK YOU! -in normal voice- NOW THEN. I WANT FRED AND GEO...**

_-scream-_

**FRED AND G...**

_-scream-_

**FRED A...**

_-scream-_

**HAGRID, SHUT UP AND JUST PLAY WITH THE DAMN DUCT TAPE!**

_Hagrid - Right. Sorry._

**ANYWHORE, FRED AND GEORGE AND RON UP HERE PLEASE.**

_Fred, George, and Ron - Why?!_

**BECAUSE.**

_Fred and George - Are we leaving?_

**MAYBE, MAYBE NOT.**

_Fred and George - Oh. Wicked._

**FRED AND GEORGE, YOU SANG KILLER QUEEN. I REALLY WANT A COOKIE. DON'T ASK WHY. RON, YOU SANG SHAKE IT. I LOVE THAT SONG BUT BECAUSE OF MY F!!!ING ARM I COULDN'T GET UP AND DANCE. THE INTERNET VOTED...FRED AND GEORGE, YOU GO HAVE A SEAT NEXT TO LUNA! RON, IN THE BOTTOM THREE.**

_Ron - :l Whatever._

_Fred - -whispering to George- Should we tell her we have a cookie?_

_George - -whispering- No. Let her suffer._

_Fred - Wicked!_

**HEY! I HEARD THAT!**

_George - Suuuuuuure._

_Fred - Whatever you say._

**HSADJDHAESHRIOESADRJFHOON!**

_Voldemort - You scream incomprehensible words when you're pissed off, too? :)_

**NOT USUALLY.**

_Voldemort - Oh. Never mind._

**HELLO, HARRY.**

_Harry - Um...hello._

**YOU WANNA HEAR HOW YOU DID?**

_Harry - Just a little._

**OH. GOOD. :) YOU SANG KRAZY. I STARTED TO DO THE DANCE I DID AT MY SCHOOL DANCE TEAM AUDITIONS BECAUSE THAT WAS THE SONG WE DANCED TO BUT MY ARM HURT LIKE -incomprehensible swearing-. THE INTERNETS VOTED...YOU GO SIT DOWN. AND BRING ME A COOKIE WHILE YOU'RE AT IT.**

_Harry - I don't have a cookie._

**WELL, F!!!, THEN YOU'RE GOING HOME!**

_Harry - What?!_

**JUST KIDDING. :S SORTA.**

_Neville - Sorta?_

**I'M SORRY, WAS I TALKING TO YOU?! NO, I WASN'T, SO SHUT UP!**

_Neville - -cowers in fear- Sorry!_

**VOLDEMORT, GET UP HERE. NOW.**

_Voldemort - Is it time for my tattoo? :)_

**NO.**

_Voldemort - Awww...!_

**WELL, ANYWAY, YOU SANG WELCOME TO THE JUNGLE AND DID SURPRISINGLY GOOD WHILE SINGING IT. :) I WAS SMILEY...SORTA...DESPITE MY FRICKIN' ARM. THE INTERNET VOTED AND YOU ARE SAFE.**

_Voldemort - :O No tattoo?_

**NO TATTOO.**

_Voldemort - But I was sure I sucked! I want that tattoo!_

**I'M SORRY...?**

_Voldemort - -sadly- Yeah. Me, too._

**UH...I DON'T KNOW WHAT JUST HAPPENED, SO, UH...CEDRIC PLEASE?**

_Cedric - Why does he want a tattoo of Milly Cyrus and Michael Jackson?_

_Voldemort - It's MILEY Cyrus! MILEY!_

_Cedric - ...Of course it is!_

**BETWEEN YOU AND ME, I WASN'T GOING TO USE THE SUGGESTION ANYWAY. HA! HAHAHA!**

_Cedric - I figured as much._

**DUDE, SHUT UP.**

_Cedric - Okay._

**YOU SANG LET IT ROCK. I LOVE THAT SONG AND DAMN I WISH YOU COULD HAVE SANG THE WHOLE THING. :P BUT THE INTERNETS VOTED...**

_Cedric - Why do you keep pronouncing it 'Internets'?_

**CAUSE I CAN, DAMMIT! ANYWHORE...**

_Cedric - And why do you say 'anywhore'?_

**IF YOU DON'T SHUT UP I'LL AVADA KEDAVRA YOU TO HELL!**

_Cedric - Oh, shit!_

**EXACTLY. ANYWHORE, YOU SANG LET IT ROCK, I LOVE BLAH DE BLAH DE BLAH, INTERNETS VOTED, YOU ARE SAFE, NOW WILL YOU BE QUIET?**

_Cedric - Okay. Whatever._

**THANK YOU. NOW I WANT MALFOY AND NEVILLE.**

_Malfoy - Longbottom._

_Neville - Uh, hi, Malfoy, uh, nice day we're having..._

_Malfoy - SHUT IT!_

**STOP STEALING MY LIIIIINES! :S AHEM. ANYWHORE, MALFOY, YOU SANG I KNOW YOU WANT ME, AND DUDE, I *DO*! UH, I MEAN...I LOVED IT. :) NEVILLE, YOU SANG ACCIDENTALLY IN LOVE. I SAT THROUGH THE PERFORMANCE. THE INTERNET VOTED, AND, IN A MOMENT OF TOTAL IRONY, MALFOY, YOU ARE IN THE BOTTOM THREE.**

_Malfoy - What the fu-?!_

**I FEEL THE SAME WAY. :l**

_Malfoy - Stupid Mudbloods._

_Hermione - Hey! I'm right behind you!_

_Malfoy - Exactly! Thank you, Granger, for proving a point._

_Hermione - Ugh!_

**NOW, I WILL BE SENDING ONE OF YOU TO SAFETY, AND THAT PERSON IS..........................................................................RON.**

_Ron - EPIC WIN! WOOHOO! BYE, MIONE! HAHA!_

**GOOD ONE. :)**

_Ron - Thank you. :)_

**NOW, THERE ARE TWO OF YOU LEFT. I'M SORRY I HAVE TO SAY THIS, BUT...FOR THE FIRST TIME, A MALE HAS BEEN VOTED OFF.**

_Malfoy - So who is it?!_

_Hermione - Are you really that dense?_

_Malfoy - I have no idea what you're talking about._

**MALFOY. YOU! HAVE! BEEN! VOTED! OFF!**

_Malfoy - Oh. I get it now._

**-muttering: you better...- THANK YOU FOR WATCHING US AND HAVE A SAFE HALLOWEEN!**

Malfoy - 1 2 3 4 uno dos tres cuatro I know you want me ya know I want ya I know you want me ya know I want ya I know you want me ya know I want ya I know you want me ya know I want ya 1 2 3 4 uno dos tres cuatro!

**THANK YOU. BYE. :)**

_Hermione - But what are we singing next time?_

**OH, UM...UH...LET'S SEE...-strains to see que cards- WHATEVER. BYE!**


	10. Round Five VOTING CLOSED

**WELCOME BACK CRAZIES.**

_Hagrid - Back ter where?_

**DUDE.**

_Hagrid - Yeah?_

**SHUT UP.**

_Cedric - -raises hand-_

_**WHAT?!**_

_Cedric - -puts hand down- Never mind._

_Harry - -raises hand-_

_**WHAT NOW, FOUR EYES?!**_

_Harry - -notices my own glasses- Well, one, you shouldn't be talking. -shoves glasses up his nose- And two, Voldemort's—_

_Everyone but Harry, me, Voldemort - Tremble tremble tremble tremble!_

_Harry - -stares- He's got a juice box._

_Voldemort - You WISH you had a juice box! -drinks juice very loudly-_

**VOLDEMORT, SHUT UP. HARRY, SHUT UP EVEN MORE.**

_Harry - …?_

_Ron - -snores-_

_**WAKE UP!!**_

_Ron - -grunts, continues sleeping-_

**WELL WHILE I STRANGLE RON IN HIS SLEEP, HERE IS LUNA SINGING THIS IS ME BY DEMI LOVATO. YES WER'RE SINGING DISNEY. GET OVER IT.**

Luna - I've always been the kind of girl that hid my face so afraid to tell the world what I've got to say but I have this dream right inside of me I'm gonna let it show, it's time to let you know to let you know this is real, this is me I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be now gonna let the light shine on me now I've found who I am there's no way to hold it in no more hiding who I want to be this is me

**JUDGES?**

_Hagrid - Bloody brilliant. _

_McGonagall - I agree with Hagrid._

_Dumbledore - I'd like an encore. :D_

_Snape - I fail to see the point in this song. Fifty points from Ravenclaw, Miss Lovegood._

_Luna - Well -insert swearing that you'd never expect Luna to say here- you!_

_Everyone but Luna and Voldemort - O_O_

**O_O UH…WELL UH HERE IS VOLDEMORT SINGING…*laughs* FABULOUS FROM HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL. –laughs uncontrollably-**

Voldemort - -whispers 'damn Muggle'- It's out with the old and in with the new good-bye clouds of grey, hello skies of blue a dip in the pool, a trip to the spa endless days in my chaise the whole world according to moi excuse me thank you iced tea imported from England, lifeguards imported from Spain, towels imported from Turkey, and turkey imported from Maine we're gonna relax and renew, you, go, do I want fabulous, that is my simple request, all things fabulous, bigger and better and best, I need something inspiring to help me get along, I need a little fabulous is that so wrong?

_Judges - -crickets chirping-_

_Hagrid - Uh…_

_Snape - Why is he in this competition anyway?_

_Dumbledore - -standing and clapping- BRAVO!_

_McGonagall - Oh, for Pete's sake, Albus, sit down!_

_Amos Diggory - -randomly runs through- I DO NOT APPROVE OF THIS COMPETITION! UNLESS MY SON WINS!_ _I STILL LIKE IKE!_

**I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO GET LOST!**

_Cedric – I was hoping he would…_

_Me and Amos - SHUT UP!_

_Cedric Okay, that's just freaky._

**YOUR MOM'S JUST FREAKY.**

_Cedric - …I know._

_Amos - Hey! That's my wife you're talking about!_

…**DUDE, JUST GET LOST.**

_Amos - …Okay. –leaves-_

**OKAY, NOW, LET'S GET BACK TO THE COMPETITION WITH RON SINGING SOME SONG CALLED HEY BY MITCHEL MUSSO. ENJOY OR I'LL GET VOLDY TO AVADA KEDAVRA YOU.**

_Voldemort - Avada kedavr-_

**NOT NOW. AND I HEARD YOU CALL ME A MUGGLE!**

_Voldemort - Oh._

Ron - I'm counting the days since I began to live without you I'm covered in rain but it feels just like it's the sun and it don't get me down, don't come around you're better off leaving town, I'm fine here alone now without you hey I'm screaming at you, hey don't care enough to write you a letter now that I'm doing better alone hey I'm screaming at you, hey don't care enough to write you a letter now that I'm doing better, better off without you

_Dumbledore - Excellent, Mr. Weasley, you may resume your seat._

_McGonagall - I think at parts you tended to scream more than necessary, but it was alright regardless._

_Hagrid - Good song fer ya, Ron._

_Snape - I did not like it. Fifty points._

_McGonagall - Of course you didn't, Severus._

**WHILE THE JUDGES DUKE IT OUT, HERE IS HERMIONE WITH HE COULD BE THE ONE BY HANNAH MONTANA.**

_Hermione - -blows kisses to Ron- This is for you, Ron!_

_Ron - -shouting at Harry- I TOLD YOU SHE'D DEDICATE IT TO ME!_

Hermione - Smooth talkin' so rockin' and he's got everything that a girl's wantin' guitar cutie he plays it groovy and I can't help myself from doin' something stupid think I'm really falling for his smile got butterflies when he says my name he's got something special he's got something special and when he's lookin' at me I wanna get all sentimental he's got something special he's got something special I can hardly breathe something's telling me telling me maybe he could be the one he could be the one he could be the one he could be the one he could be the one he could be the one

_Snape - Have we not had enough with the sappy love songs already?_

_McGonagall - Well, that's not exactly a _sappy_ song, Severus._

_Snape - Ten points from Gryffindor for Minerva's comment._

_McGonagall - -spits in Snape's eye-_

_Dumbledore - I thought it was good, you definitely have potential._

_Hagrid - Who was she singing about?_

_Everyone - -slowly turns and stares at Hagrid-_

**DUDE, SERIOUSLY?**

_Hagrid - 'Seriously', what?_

**NEVER MIND. DIP. ANYWHORE, NOW LET'S GET CEDRIC UP HERE BEFORE I GET VOLDEMORT TO AVADA KEDAVRA YOU TO HELL.**

_Voldemort - Avada keda-_

**WILL YOU STOP TRYING TO KILL PEOPLE?! ANYWHORE, CEDRIC IS SINGING TONIGHT BY THE JONAS BROTHERS.**

Cedric - Well here we…

**WHICH JUST SO HAPPENS TO BE MY FAVORITE BY THEM.**

_Cedric - -_-_

**JUST SAYING. GO AHEAD.**

Cedric - Well here we are again throwing punch lines, no one wins as the morning sun begins to rise, we're fading fast and we won't work this out no, we're not gonna work this out tonight (we won't work this out) no, we're not gonna make this right so I'll give a kiss and say goodbye (give a kiss good-bye) cause we're not gonna work this out tonight

_Dumbledore - I do like knitting patterns._

_Cedric - What's that got to do with anything?_

_Dumbledore - I just felt like sharing._

_McGonagall - Thank you, Mr. Diggory. And Albus there are certain things you should keep to yourself._

_Hagrid - Like what you did at the last teacher's meetin—_

_Snape, McGonagall, other teachers - Oh God, disgusting, what, that's sickening, etc._

_Snape - Ignoring Dumbledore's comment…I hope every one of you gets into a horrible accident on the way home._

**O-O OH…KAY…THEN, SNAPE-A-DOODLE.**

_Snape - _What _did you call me?!_

**WELL NOW HERE IS HARRY SINGING TRUE FRIEND BY HANNAH MONTANA.**

_Snape - WHAT DID YOU CALL ME?!_

**ENJOY.**

Harry - We sign our cards and letters BFF you've got a million ways to make me laugh you're looking out for me you've got my back it's so good to have you around you know the secrets I could never tell and when I'm quiet you break through my shell don't feel no need to do a rebel yeah cause you keep my feet on the ground you're a true friend you're here till the end you pull me aside when somethin' ain't right talk with me now and into the night till it's alright again you're a true friend

_Ron - Epic, mate._

_Harry - Thanks, Ron._

_McGonagall - That was good, Mr. Potter. Albus, _please,_ keep your comments to yourself._

_Dumbledore - Awww…! :'[_

_Snape - Fifteen points from Gryffindor._

_Harry - You've got to be joking._

_Snape - Thirty._

_Hagrid - Where's the duct tape when you need it?_

**WELL, I DON'T KNOW, HAGRID. -hides duct tape behind back- WELL HERE ARE FRED AND GEORGE SINGING LIVE TO PARTY BY THE JONAS BROTHERS. PLEASE DON'T THROW ROTTEN FRUIT OR I'LL THROW A GRENADE. KAY THANKS.**

Fred and George - I was sittin' at home watchin TV all alone I'm so tired of reruns, I've memorized this show so I pick up the phone, call everyone I know said there's gonna be a party, hit the music here we go yeah you gotta live to party, bust your move everybody's in the groove tell the DJ to play my song are you ready to rock and roll

_McGonagall - Sounds a lot like you around exam times._

_Snape - Agreed. Fifteen points._

_Dumbledore - -dances strangely-_

_Hagrid - -joins in dancing-_

_Everyone other than Hagrid, Dumbledore, Fred, George - O.e_

_Malfoy - -from audience- Boo! You stink!_

**-throws grenade- CAN'T SAY I DIDN'T WARN YA.**

_Malfoy - MY FACE!_

**WELL UH TO FINISH US OFF HERE IS NEVILLE SINGING LET'S MAKE THIS LAST FOREVER BY MITCHEL MUSSO AS OLIVER OKEN. LOLZ. :p**

_Neville - Will you still pay me if I do this?_

_Cedric - She's paying you?_

_Neville - To sing a song that was on Hannah Montana, yes._

_Cedric - You're not gonna get paid._

_Neville - I figured as much._

**CAN YOU HURRY UP AND SING ALREADY?**

Neville - I need a kick drum a guitar now and a bass line and imma show you how how to rock how to dance how to get down and all I need is a piano in my track now throw your hands throw your hands throw your hands throw your hands up (whoa ohoh, whoa ohoh) cause you can't cause you can't cause you can't cause you can't stop (whoa ohoh, whoa ohoh) can you hear me (hey) do you feel it (hey) if you with me (oh)  
1-2-3 cause we're here and we're now and we're all together so let's make this last forever

_Snape - Five _hundred_ points from Gryffindor._

**YOU'RE JUST ANGRY THAT THE STUDENT FROM YOUR OWN HOUSE WAS VOTED OFF.**

_Snape - So?_

_Hagrid - That was kinda catchy._

_Dumbledore - You bet it is! -starts singing off key-_

_McGonagall - Albus, shush. This competition is for the students._

**WELL PLEASE VOTE FOR YOUR FAVORITES OR I'LL CUT OFF THEIR LEFT EAR AND SHOVE IT IN THEIR FACES. ;]**

_Cedric - …Pleasant._

**WHOOPS DON'T CARE.**

_Cedric - Do you use every chance you get to insult me?_

**I'M SORRY, COULD YOU REPEAT THAT? ALL I HEARD WAS 'DO YOU USE EVERY CHANCE BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH'!J**

_Cedric - You see!_

_Harry - Wow, dude. Your life _does_ suck. You should join FML._

_Cedric - I have. And I've submitted stories. Several times._

_Harry - Total FML._

**BOTH OF YOU, SHUT UP! THANK YOU!**


End file.
